Sunday, September 13, 2009

In this chapter, you will learn that:

- Marital satisfaction increases as one moves up the class structure, where divorce laws are liberal, when teenage children leave the home, in families where housework is shared equally, and among spouses who enjoy satisfying sexual relations

..Soooo, marital satisfaction increases with the ability to divorce? And when you get rid of the children? Wow, that's heartening. Why don't we just not get married, and not have children, and so up the satisfaction level all around?

- The worst effects of divorce on children can be eliminated if there is no parental conflict and the children's standard of living does not fall after divorce.

?!??!! If there is no parental conflict, then WHY would they get divorced?! -.- OBVIOUSLY there will be conflict what! Dots..


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Posted by nayrakroarual at 5:58 PM

3 Comments:

Blogger Wordless song said...

Not passing a judgment, but those views are narrow and, by estimation, would originate from a sheltered background.

1. Why get married, why have children?

Firstly, you already halfway there with regards to the line of reasoning provided, but missing the main point. Precisely because in a liberal society, one is encouraged NOT to get married and NOT to have children, that contrariwise, someone who is married in spite of this is likely to have gone through greater tribulations, more mature deliberations; and more likely to have a stronger bond with his/her spouse.

With more liberal divorce laws, the conditions favour separation more strongly. And if in spite of these feasible conditions,

In comparison, it does not require much thinking to imagine that a place with draconic laws preventing women from initiating a divorce allows for conditions very feasible for marriages to remain in institution, but but with this forced feasibility, comes a lack of marital satisfaction.

Also, indirectly, where conditions are set more for divorce to take place, it is more probable that one undertakes a more selective process to form a marriage that is more unlikely to be annuled. In contrast, with too many factors favouring marriage to stay in place (e.g. children, shared assets etc., and including conservative divorce laws), one could verily remain in a marriage with the false sense of security - and certainly, a lack of marital satisfaction.

5:05 AM  
Blogger Wordless song said...

2. Getting rid of children?

In developed countries, many teenagers end up leaving their state for college. Or at the very least, they leave their homes to live in a dormitory provided by an in-state college - which is nonetheless too far from home.

Many of these teenagers find ways to pay for most of their education. Be it with help of government-subsidized financial aid, or by merit scholarships, or through in-college employment, and/or summer employment in high school and during college. Some of these teenagers' parents actually cannot afford their educations for them!

In these societies, teenagers actually see independence from their parents as their moral duty and obligation - and as such, they are giving their parents less responsibilities, and more personal time.

After college, many of these people rent an apartment far from home and rely on themselves for a living.

Of course, no familial relationships are harmed from this. They still return to visit their parents on a regular basis, to help repair fences around the ranch, pick fruit, mow the lawn etc.; and they stay in contact.

Case in my point: I know someone whose family is well-off, but the said person is paying for university out of state without aid from the family. Every dollar from loan, lab work, merit* scholarships and earnings from giving lessons. All US$200,000 of it. Of course, the said person would be in debt to the university by graduation.

The said person also had to drive for 20 minutes to school every day for 4 years of high school. It makes much sense that college would be much further.

*By merit scholarship, I mean one where there is no bond, hence different from bonded scholarships: which are a nice name for bad loan contracts.

5:05 AM  
Blogger Wordless song said...

3. Divorce without conflict

Conflict is not necessary for a relationship to fall apart.

To elaborate the general case, the ventral pallidum responsible for feelings associated with love initially triggers doses of phenylethylamine and dopamine in the initial stages of attraction. It is known that with the formation of secure relationships, one builds a resistance towards dopamine and the phenylethylamine response is substituted with endorphins - stability. It thus makes for feelings of stability, as opposed to the initial, more euphoric feelings. This could lead both ways - in the bad end of it, the relationship could stagnate.

To illustrate a counterexample, there are a great number of families out there whereby two are divorced, yet live together with their children in the same household, though in separate rooms. The relationship and settlement between them is very amicable. That is to say, conflict can be an effect, not a cause. On the other hand, stagnation is a cause. Conflict is not a necessary basis of divorce, but stagnation is a sufficient basis of divorce.

To demonstrate my point: among higher earning members of society, one could precipitate separation from a stagnanted relationship by starting a conflict. Refuse to sleep with one's partner; find another partner; bicker, etc. But in the case of lower income families, practical needs make this path not very viable - as such, they simply divorce as a result of stagnation, and by no result of conflict.

5:06 AM  

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