Saturday, August 20, 2005

Saturday
20.08.05

I wish.

i wish i could stay forever.
i wish that wasn't our last performance.
i wish we could all go back and relive those days again.
i wish i could turn back time.
i wish that there was NO END.
i wish i could be a scdancer forever.
i wish i could make more memories with you guys.
i wish i could carve EVERY MEMORY on my mind.
i wish i could hang on to every moment.
i wish i could stand amongst you guys and BE one of you guys again.
i wish i could own the dance studio again...like we did, like you guys still do.
i wish i could hold scdance in my arms and carry it with me everywhere i go.
i wish that we could turn back time and make it stand still.
i wish i could relive the applause. the cheers. the laughter. the noise. the praying. the dancing.
i wish i wish i wish. i wish i could wish upon a star. and make my wishes come true.

adapted from clarice, sec4 scdancer ’05.

I entered SCGS a child. A little girl just turned six. Chinese dance, swimming, drama, choir, gymnastics. Over and over, my mother would ask me to join the dance cca. Over and over, i would refuse. The stupid things i did then! if i could turn back time, take back that decision... P3. Seven friends strong enough to make everything else seem trivial. The games, the meetings, the recesses, i can still remember. The biggest, strongest group of best friends i've seen, ever seen. An unfortunate turn of events in P4, and we broke up. Lost, humiliated, rejected, i found new friends, Jiaxin and Sylvia. We were best friends in P1, too. funny how things change. P5-6 Generosity—The best class, the hated class, we bonded all the more stronger. I still remember the endless tag that we played. All of us aced our napfa. Then came the PSLE. I missed RGS by one point and decided not to appeal without a dilemma. Fifteen of us, but only Dawn and I made it to the first class in sec one. It was the first time I’d heard Hui Shi cry.

Sec1. Painful memories, struggling friendships. Dawn helped, but she was popular as i never would be, and she found friends as i never could. The year passed, none too happily, and for the first time, I felt that it the present year was not the best of my life. In sec2, I was demoted to 2courage. I remember the first time we sat down in class, I was dreading the year ahead. None of my friends were in this new class—the year looked long and boring. As the days progressed, my attitude changed. Drastically. I had a group of friends stronger than any since P3. Three of us 5 were in dance. It was heaven on earth, paradise in school. Our class had seven dancers, the most in the whole level. My class became more bonded, friends became closer. Together, we won Sports day, Chinese Talentime, Aces Day dance, Class Talentime and the open Talentime category. Our class was the most bonded class, ever.
In dance, I was part of Seaside Rendezvous. Finally, we began to climb up the dance HOD’s ladder. New Zealand, Sarbatoare... I lived happiness. My senior invited me to the Festival of Praise, and my life changed forever. In the end-of-years, I topped my class. I felt achieved. Being in SCGS had never felt so good. Friends, grades, cca, even God. Nothing else seemed left to desire.

Then, things took an even bigger perspective. 4 of us applied out of school. Michelle, Reggie, Shining, me. Shi applied for NJ and VJ. Michelle for VJ and TJ. Reggie just chose NJC. I was the only one who applied NJC, VJC, and RGS as well.
Neither of the other 2 got into VJ. Shi was happy with NJ, she couldn’t wait to leave. Reggie and Shi accepted NJ like a shot. Now, all of us wonder why.
Both Michelle and I cried when we realised she hadn’t been accepted. Slowly, painfully, I made my decision. When I emailed in, Mr Koh had assumed I had declined the place. I almost agreed, almost turned back. Michelle asked for help with her decision about TJ. I tried to convince her to stay, to live out the life I had now forgone. Slowly, painfully, she too made her decision. It was hard. SCGS offered us what the JCs never would, never did.

A time came for us to leave, I almost couldn’t bear to. I still remember the looks of all the dancers as they stopped mid-step and called goodbye. The four of us, two of us nearly cried. I almost couldn’t bear to, but I had to. Now, there was no turning around. Eight years. It still wasn’t enough.

As a student in the VIP now, I do miss SC. I’m not saying that the VIP is not good. The VIP is good. The programme does allow us to have more opportunities. I’ve met people, had experiences and learnt lessons that I never would have if I had stayed in SC. But till now, VJ has never replaced the place of SC in my heart.
Sincerity, Courage, Generosity, Service.
SCGS.

Adapted from Mattias Ho, VS sec2’04

Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:58 PM

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Saturday
20.08.05

WEEK EIGHT IS OVER!!! i am FREE *ignores voice that says "you still have bio project to finish and exams coming up"*

(IN PARENTHESIS)
my indieventure week group rocks.
eunice =D
koganti =]
sean [whoosh!]
nazri [FUNfair!]

ok so i'm being lame. its the after-killer-week syndrome. haha i just realised that my group has like four of the best powerpoint makers and presenters from our class. the presentation will ROCK man. unless i screw up, of course. which, come to think of it, is a very high possibility. haha oh well my group still rocks no matter what. YAY people!!

dream #2 achieved. =]
i managed to clear the left wall of the school rock wall on tuesday!!! (albeit with quite a lot of chalk and help from aaron and encouragement from george and nazri. haha. thanks guys!! =D)
but you know, if i hadnt managed to clear the overhang and reach the top on tues i would have quit rcc. *winces* this is bad. *tries to ignore voice going "quitter laura quitter laura"*but im never gonna cope at this rate. i've calculated, and in my j1 year, netball and debate comp season and dance syf season fall at the same time. if i get into debate that is, of course. come to think of it, that's quite a low possibility so maybe it'll be ok. haha. but next year prep for dance concert and netball season are the same time still. oh i am going to DIE mans. haha.

anyway. so dream no.2's done. dream #3, here i come...

VS goes co-ed
please refer to the post entitled "victoria, thy daughters we are too!" by xtine =D

Posted by nayrakroarual at 5:49 PM

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Thursday, August 11, 2005

Thursday
11.08.05

i dun feel like blogging much. im just...bored. and overloaded. like life's so full it feels empty. does that even make sense?

went back for ballet yesterday.

back to the world of pain, aching muscles, cramped feet, toned bodies. the world where your physique isn't just important, it's everything. back to the world where it's not fat thin short tall, but fingers calves thighs insteps knees back sides neck arms abdominals toes. back to the world of toned, sleek girls with neatly bunned hair in black leotards and white tights. pink leather/canvas shoes, nylon ribbons, dirty elastics. portable barres, classical music, sweaty towels. the world where a girl will go smoothly into a split and moan about her stiffness and inflexibility, while everyone nods sympathetically and shares tips on how not to meet such situations. the world where another girl whines that today is an off-day, and that she can't pirrouette for nuts, then smoothly completes a double pirrouette. the world of mirrors, black parque floors and off-key pianos.

back to the world of ballet.

and you know what? i wouldn't give it up for the world.

Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:08 PM

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Sunday, August 07, 2005

Saturday
06.08.05

8am - rise and shine
9-1030am - debate
11-1230pm - tuition
130-4pm - scgs 2CO dance [go back to cheorograph & reteach]
430-6pm - queue outside indoor stadium [=)]
6-1030pm - FESTIVAL OF PRAISE

talk about packed. but yeah, the day rocked, totally. =D esp. FOP.

haha during the offertory the pastor was like GIVE MORE AND YOU WILL BE MORE BLESSED GIVE YOUR MONEY GIVE THE BEST THAT YOU CAN GIVE.
haha then mel was like "ok! i'll give the best that i can give--myself!" then she used her markers and drew a girl on the inside flap of her donation envelope and wrote "i'm giving the best that i can give to God [-- MEL (cute drawing of girl with label) --] it's ME! =D (yes including the smiley face haha)
i thought it was really cute and really meaningful, so i took out mine and wrote stuff on it too. then all of a sudden everyone was handing me their envelopes to help them write lol. josh was like, "DON'T DONATE!! MOST OF IT GOES TO CITY HARVEST ANYWAY!!"
[ignores him and puts money into envelope]
"you know most of it goes to city harvest? you know?"
does he think i am deaf? or stupid? apparently he doesn't notice i'm ignoring him. [smiles and hands it to usher]
"you don't care that most of it goes to city harvest anyway? most of it goes there you know?"
we're all part of Christ's body. just because they're different doesn't mean they're bad. why is he always so discriminatory?! just because we don't always agree...
[turns around and gives him my best smile]
"i kind of trust God to take care of the money i'm giving for His purpose."

arrgh. Joshua is the only guy i'm ever mean to to his face. and worst of all, i feel bad about it. i mean, other than his infinite capacity to irritate me and his complete inability to piece 2 and 2 to get 4, he's really a very sweet guy. and he's very nice to me, all the time (if you count only intention i mean. tact isn't really one of his attributes). but honestly, i was fighting the urge to punch him almost all evening. >< God, help me not to always blow up when josh's around, but to keep my temper and not be mean to him, but nice instead.

i lay my life down at your feet
cause you're the only one i seek
i turn to you and you are always there
in troubled times its you i seek
i put you first that's all i need
i lift my praises, onto you...
*dadadum* ONE WAY! *dadadum* JESUS!
you're the only one that i could live for
*dadadum* ONE WAY! *dadadum* JESUS!
you're the only one that i could live for

shout to God with a voice of triumph
shout to God with a voice of praise

majesty
majesty
your grace has found me just as i am
empty handed but alive in your hands
majesty
majesty
forever i am changed by your love...

Posted by nayrakroarual at 9:45 PM

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Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Tuesday
02.08.05

the flu is here. EVERYONE RUNNNN AWAY!!!!! SAVE YOURSELVES!!!!

-.-

so anyway. today i didn't go to school. went to see the doctor he gave me TWO DAYS mc but im not gonna use it (i hope) cant miss too much school!! eeks.
was super bored... couldn't even read or watch tv cos putting on my glasses gave me a headache *rolls eyes* and slept too much so couldnt fall asleep... BOREDOM mann. sigh.
oh then yirui called =D that was really nice of him!! i was really touched.. it was still school hours but he actually took the trouble to call and check how i was and all...yeah *shrug* just meant a lot to me =)
and charissa too haha she sent me an e-card!! e-get-well-soon-flowers. haha. so nice of her... =D
yup and was really touched later too when a couple of others smsed to say get well soon or how are you doing are you alright.. thanks, guys. it's funny how the people you thought might actually notice you weren't in school did nothing but the people you thought couldn't care less or just wouldn't notice were the one's who did. oh well. AHHH i missed so much school!!!! i can't believe it >< oh mannn.. really cannot afford to miss so much school...plus training... i NEED to go for training and all the asignments are due and everything.. *starts panicking*
eeks. and i missed lang arts and lit >< oh boy..
well. thanks again to those who msged/msn-ed/called. it really meant a lot to me. =)

Posted by nayrakroarual at 9:07 PM

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Babel




things to do before i die