Tuesday, September 25, 2007
it's tuesday. i haven't done anything all morning except struggle through my third reading of waiting for Godot, because i fear if i do math or some such thing i might turn science-y minded and be unable to write later. i see it is a mistake now because i have gotten nothing done (except sleep a bit more) and am still quite uncapable of writing a good essay. oh well.
in the meantime, i shall lament about how trying to load the audio bible into my ipod has filled my ipod so much that.. well, it's overflowing, and i haven't even loaded all the books up to psalms yet. as it is, i let go of jeremiah and lamentations and song of songs. not that it was that big a sacrifice, i'd take psalms and proverbs to song of songs anyway, seeing as how i'm not in love and so can't really appreciate song of songs.
can you tell i'm just yattering away? to pass the time, that's the idea. that sounds like a line estragon (waiting for godot) would say. good, it means that wfg is getting into my head, probably a good thing. i wonder how everyone else has been preparing. more diligently, i don't doubt. well, we shall see.
meaningless, meaningless! everything is meaningless! that's from ecclesiastes. but i think i spelt it wrongly. i read a bit of 1 samuel today. it was disgusting, why were the israelites so disgusting?
"oh do please come to my house for the night."
"why, thank you ever so much for your hospitality."
"hey, open the door and bring out your guest that we might ahve sex with him!"
"no, no, my friends, i invited him to my house and he is under my protection. but see, here is my virgin daughter and his concubine, take them and do whatever you want with them. only do not lay a hand on my guest."
and then the poor concubine of the guest gets thrown out to the pervertic immoral crowd and is "raped and abused" all night.
all night! by the whole village! (okay, i really sound like wfg. it's disturbing.) and she staggers back to the door of the house where her master - yes, master, not husband - is staying and falls down at the doorstep around dawn because she's so broken and he comes out and cuts her into twelve pieces and sends them to the twelve tribes of israel.
okay, so at least the rest of the israelites band together to try and admolish the people who did that to her. and at least the old man who let the "master" be a guest to his house was hospitable, unlike the rest of the village. but i'm sorry, between gang rape + abuse and no place to sleep, i'd choose no place to sleep. honestly! *shudders*
let me introduce my current favourite song:
What you got if you ain't got love
the kind that you just want to give away
its okay to open up
go ahead and let the light shine through
i know it's hard on a rainy day
you want to shut the world out and just be left alone
but don't run out on your faith
'cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
what you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
when you figure out love is all that matters after all
it sure makes everything else seem so small
it's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river thats so wide
it swallows you whole
while you sit around what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you cant get it back
sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
what you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
when you figure out love is all that matters after all
it sure makes everything else seem so small
=) carrie underwood! YAY for songs with good lyrics and not just nice tunes!
Posted by nayrakroarual at 12:03 PM
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Sunday, September 23, 2007
isn't it funny, it's been years since i called you, but i can still memorise your number.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 7:16 PM
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Thursday, September 20, 2007
There's a curious, uncalled-for thought that comes up once in a while: when you go for a new job, or look at a flat you're considering moving into in a street that you've never visited before. Afterwards you do some ordinary, everyday thing: have a cup of coffee at a local sandwich bar, or buy an evening standard from the newsagent on the corner. And you realise that, if you get the job, that sandwich bar is where you'll buy your coffee every morning. If you take the flat, that newsagent will be part of your life: you'll know the opening hours and where the cat food's kept and the man behind the counter will reach for your paper the moment you walk in. Or else you'll never see it again as long as you live. One or the other, you just don't know.
There's an opposite thought that comes in familiar places: when you're visiting your old school, or at country funerals or when you're selling your parents' house. For years, you've dreamt about those walls, those doors, that creak on the stairs: you know each and every patch of damp and every square of carpet. Now you realise that there's no real reason ever to return. You might, of course, but you probably won't. This is it. the end: it feels as though the place itself is disappearing. Which it is - you made it your own while it was part of your life, but now that it is so no longer, it's turning back from Place into space.
Writing about the past feels like both of these. If you've spent a part of your youth convinced you were making history, and doing so (or not) in the way young people do, not in a thought-out way, but through intuition, luck and the support (or lack thereof) of friends, then that part of your life becomes the bit you don't want to revisit when you get older.
You put a mental fence around it: it's the wild garden of memory. You fear that, if you start digging it up, you'll never stop: that you'll end up spending your sleepless nights reliving the mistakes you made or wallowing in glorious moments of victory, those times you knew you'd made it, and then having all the joy of that memory sucked away forever, now that you know the mistake hidden in that glory, or the sadness that came after, or both. Or just drowning in nostalgia.
And you fear the opposite will happen: that once you've faced the past, it will dissolve, to leave you standing alone.
(adapted from Changing Stages, chpt 12: last orders on the titanic)
Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:18 PM
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please, grow up.
you.
me.
who?
Posted by nayrakroarual at 12:08 AM
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Wednesday, September 19, 2007
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance,
I hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking,
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to selling out ,
reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance...
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:53 PM
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Sunday, September 16, 2007
thank God for ballet, and mrs lim, and the concert, etc etc. if i didn't have ballet today i would have just DIED. the morning was awful, guitar string snapped right before service was to start (i KNEW it was a sign that i should just go through worship with only a pianist but i felt bad since rui'd already practised and all) and i'd screwed up the powerpoint (yes, AGAIN, i knowwww) and yeah i was REALLY SLOW on realising that i'd missed a song... *sighs* okay it was just awful. i think shaun was upset by it which made me feel worse because shaun's such an awesome pianist. heh.
lunch wasn't much better, sitting at the end of the young adults table makes you feel kinda outcasted, especially when they're all like four (three in claire's case) years older than you and you can't hear what's being said 'cos it's too far away... i think if there's no guitar (=/ dunno if we'll still continue, hope so but rui and joanna seem so busy) i'll join the bs group for lunch instead. heh. see how..
anyway, so ballet was REALLY FUN today. we were rehearsing for the end of year concert (PLEASE COME PLEASE COME!! tickets selling out fast, only a few rows left). broadway jazz was first, i partnered mel because jinglin and mabel (our previous partners) weren't here. it was fun! actually i was a bit annoyed that i would be in the same group as mel because i wanted to see her dance again. LOL. but we didn't show in the end, and dancing with her was really fun! not as scary as i thought LOL.
she's a really REALLY good dancer! sighh. it's like, the way she just smiles and moves makes you want to get up and dance with her! that's the way a good dancer should be. no matter what she's doing, she'll move you and make you want to smile, or cry, or just dance with her. =) and also it's interesting because mel's not very, well, big. as in her lines are nice but they're not super long or thin or anything. but when you watch her perform, she really performs and you can literally see her GROW. her whole presence just BOOMS and you're like, wow, that girl is good. i've mentioned that this happens with alot of dancers when they're performing, but mel's was seriously really obvious. haha.
and i can't BELIEVE she's such a good ballet dancer (distinction all the way, mrs lim said) AND hip hop dancer! and i don't mean those fake hip-hop that most ballet dancers do, i mean like really crumping and locking and stuff. i was like, WOW! haha. i wonder if i take lessons i can learn to dance like that? since ballet's not really working for me HAHA hmm better check out studio wu or o school (like i've been meaning to.)
hiphop was fun, do-able but not too easy =D i love dances like that. i think mrs lim thought i was doing pretty okay for broadway jazz, she suggested i be one of the dance ICs (i'm not, in the end, but the point is it was really encouraging. i really value mrs lim's opinion =)) and after rehearsal i did a couple of exercises with valerie (grade 7) - the rest of the grade 7s hadn't come yet so she was solo-ing haha. i love the grade 7 class, it's SO FUN and the people are so nice! =) haha valerie's funny, i talked to her before class =) oh man i'm sad she's not doing the concert but she's going italy, how cool is that! haha. haven't seen deanna for a few weeks now, poor girl had exams then sprained her ankle *wince* get well soon!
OH i can't wait for japan!! YAYYYYYY it will be SO FUN honestly. =D haha YAY!
things to do after promos:
- publicity for and planning for 17s AR
- publicity for and implementation of dance ministry
- get/make birthday presents (i hear yirui accepts belated =D)
- work on tsd website
- learn 3D creation and manipulation computing skills
- go rock climbing again
- (re)learn gymnastics with shakura
- learn how to do a head stand & a freeze (remember the girl from Styles From Beyond? =D)
- join a hiphop class
life is so exciting. AFTER promos.
..
edit: to quote what claire said, what's important is not the art of worship (perfection) but rather the heart of worship (devotion). so yeah now i'm not so upset about this morning's worship. it could have been better, but at least we praised God through our song and music, and that's what's really important. =) thank you claire.
edit: ARRGH NUS DANCE ENSEMBLE CONCERT IS ON THE FIRST DAY OF PROMOS! ARRGH. there goes my chances of getting anyone to go with me...
Posted by nayrakroarual at 9:47 PM
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Saturday, September 15, 2007
yester i studied with shiang nee after school. it was nice talking to her =D and the studying was productive. unfortunately i can't say the same about today. i kept walking around the basement and i haven't done much studying at all... well nevermind. i really shouldn't be here. lol.
worship prac was wonderful, though, so i shan't complain. it was SO FUNNY although really tiring haha shaun and rui rock my socks! yay =) haha it started POURING just as i left my house -.- and so i was really late (but both of them were only a bit earlier - i think) and got pretty soaked. shaun took a CAB, i
knew i should have called him before i dashed to the bustop. sigh.
worship prac itself was quite funny - all of us were tapping our feet to the beat to get the rhythm, and it would be in sync and just look so cool (bet neither of them noticed it, cos they were playing the piano/guitar and looking at the chords)! but then shaun and rui's feet would start tapping out of time, and then their playing wouldn't be in sync, and i would get really confused until i stopped and said i couldn't sing to two rhythms at the same time HAHA. the problem is that rui doesn't vary his strumming alot and shaun is too powerful (it's a super-good-pianist tendency - happens with claire too) but in the end we worked it out la. i think. yay. i love shaun and rui. XD and claire and marcus.
praise you in this storm was a problem, stupid key was too high (well, it was okay for rui to sing it but not for me =( haha) then we had a problem transposing it down - or rather they had a problem because i had no idea how to transpose it at all. again, i hope we worked it out. =D haha and after worship we they just played random songs (HOTEL CALIFORNIA XD) for a while and yeah it was fun. haha. we remembered to off the aircon this time when we left (i got scolded by uncle ken for forgetting last month). yay!
shaun: "hey what time do we come tomorrow?"me: "745."shaun: "WHAT?! so early?!"me: "huh.. okay fine... eight then..."shaun: "815 la.. okay okay? yea eight-fifteen then. =D"me: "huh.."rui: "HAHA laura scared by marcus."me: "okay okay... eight-ten. no, eight-oh-five."shaun: "eight-fifteen, no late."me: "... okay FINE. eight-fifteen, NO LATE okay."rui: "what happens if i come at nine? =D"me: "i will MURDER you."rui: "but you didn't murder marcus."me: "but he conditioned me to murder you."rui: "eh shaun, let's be late together okay =D"shaun: "YA OKAY haha a capella worship! XD"me: -.-""
Posted by nayrakroarual at 9:14 PM
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Thursday, September 13, 2007
On the telephone line I am anyone
I am anything I want to be
I could be a supermodel or Norman Mailer
And you wouldn't know the difference
Or would you?
In Santa Monica, on the boulevard,
You'll have to dodge those in-line skaters
Or they'll knock you down
I never felt so lonely,
Never felt so out of place
I never wanted something more than this
On the telephone line I am anyone
I am anything I want to be
I could be a supermodel or Norman Mailer
And you wouldn't know the difference
On the telephone line, I am any height
I am any age I want to be
I could be a caped crusader, or space invader
And you would know the difference
Or would you?
There are secrets that we still have left to find There have been mysteries from the beginning of time There are answers we're not wise enough to seetoday was a bad day. didn't get much done. couldn't concentrate. morning wasn't bad, diane and shreya and i studied with likai, later dhevy joined us. but afternoon, naz mich danielong mattho studied together, michelle went home early so i studied with chunhan and joel for a while, then couldn't find may and michelle (rozario) so went off. rawr. hungry. well not any more. but still. i need to get back on my study schedule if i don't want to completely screw up my promos =(
Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:27 PM
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I saw an old friend of our today
She asked about you and I didn't quite know what to say
Heard you've been makin' the rounds round here
While I've been tryin' to make the tears disappear
Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you
You're such a sly one with your cold, cold heart
For you leavin' come easy but it tore me apart
Time heals all wounds they say and I should know
'Cause it seems like forever but I'm lettin' you go
I can forgive you and soon I'll forget all my shattered dreams
You took the love that you wanted and left me the misery
Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you
=). but not quite.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 12:55 AM
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Wednesday, September 05, 2007
i wrote so many notes today, my hand literally aches. i can't grip anything properly now. my feet ache like nothing from standing in heels for 4hours at equinox. which, by the way, was not bad. could have been worse.
as we stepped in, reema and i were like "what are we doing here?!" i didn't say it, but inside my head i was thinking of all the topics i could be covering and thinking, "i have better things to do with my time!" also, if that was what clubbing was like, i REALLY had better things to do with my time. clubbing would have been better in that the dj and music would have been better, but it would have been far worse in that it would be totally a free-for-all on the dance floor, and we'd have had to surround ourselves with friends in order not to get branded. but in the end it was pretty fun, at least with shakura prema reema althea anthony wei-an jinghan (and girlfriend) benjamin (jinghan's friend) and lester (jinghan's friend) we all had fun.
there were some slow dances, which were a bit awkward at first, with all the wall-flowering, but the dance floor didn't empty like i'd expected - in fact it was too full (slowdancing takes up more space then raving together - like branched versus chain isomers XD). i got sabo-ed into dancing with this random guy -_- *glares at reema and althea* but it turned out okay because he was really nice. from rj. =) yeap! there was this sweet guy who gave althea (who had been griping about it) the rose she wanted. lol. and anthony was super nice, he asked shakura and me and prema to dance (no, not all together -.-) yeah haha we need more nice guys! lol.
it's different from in the movies, yet the same too. but you know something, this is one of the times i hate being the girl. i suppose it's stressful to work up the courage to ask someone to dance (or more likely, you just don't really want to) but honestly, it's even more frustrating standing around being wallflowers. haha. guys, take this from us - just go for it. because that's what you're supposed to do (like opening doors and helping to carry heavy stuff and letting us sit first =D) and honestly, it's quite unlikely you'll get rejected. lol. it doesn't mean every time you dance with someone MEANS something, honestly. it's just - nice. fun. etc. haha. =)
oh this (very cute) j2 guy just went up to althea and pulled her onto the dance floor during one of the slow dances and put his arm on her waist etc and said "you don't mind right =)" haha in a NICE way =) SO SWEET XD haha *sighs* (heehee go althea XD) !! hahaha. and another random guy asked shakura to dance! (well actually zaki (june's not-at-the-moment boyfriend) came up and asked one of us to dance with that guy and we all pushed shakura forward)
yeah anyway actually i like the slow dance better. sorry but i honestly feel stupid jumping up and down and bobbing and shaking in a weird repetitive manner. it just doesn't quite appeal to me. heh. can't seem to let go of the reality and slip into, as we say in tsd, the "moment". it's a bit like that during, for example, rock concerts, etc. oh well.. i'm working on it.. LOL, as if it's something you can work on! it'll only get worse. HAHA.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 1:01 AM
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Monday, September 03, 2007
okay. slow and steady wins the race. into steady mugging focus now. tomorrow's really important, i HAVE to finish what i set out to do or it might all be lost. (haha i sound like the world's gonna end. which reminds me:)
i've just spent one and a half hours on the impossible quiz. LOL it's amazingly amusing. A A. lol. All the As Are cApitAlised to mAke me feel like i'm studying really hard! yAy!
pw is another thorn in the flesh. i KNOW i can do a lot better, but somehow i'm just not, and honestly it's worrying because pw is in my Alevel cert which makes it important and all.. sigh
there's some cool stuff that i copied down from this book i saw in the library, but i'm lazy to type it out now. which reminds me, i need to learn to type really fast. because i'm training so that my dad can hire me as a short-term secretary/admin help in the holidays or something =D yayyyy! haha i hope. still convincing him. he was like "but we don't normally hire people who aren't even undergraduates..." and i was like "HELLO you're my dad and you're a partner what's the use of being a partner if you can't help me pull strings =D hahahaha" okay i'm just blabbering. shall go sleep! my mugger half is waking up at 730am tomorrow so she can start work at 830. ta!
p.s. my nose doesn't like me. =(
Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:25 PM
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Sunday, September 02, 2007
I wonder if JC students aren't the smarter ones. They're really the least smart, so much that they can't choose what they want to do later and focus but continue mugging things that ultimately aren't important later in life, studying so hard because they aren't smart enough to succeed otherwise. Putting so much faith in structure, bending the knee at authority rather than looking beyond the boundaries - ironically, we are even taught to think out of the box, yet we do this in the box...
List of Songs I want to be able to play:
Life is Wonderful
More than Words
I'm Yours
Sky is Falling
Only One (yellowcard)
Way Away
Dare to Move
Testify to Love
Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:46 PM
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SAVE ME. this is so not working. how did i do it last year? or even earlier this year, for midyears? ARRRRRGH. i'm going to FAIL promos.
september 28th. =)
Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:43 PM
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Saturday, September 01, 2007
i should be studying. "should" being the keyword.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 3:37 PM
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