Monday, October 30, 2006
Monday30.10.06today when papa got home, he dropped a letter on my desk, for me. a letter for me. it's a green envelope with stickers on top and all and the moment i saw it i felt a small twinge of guilt, yet a small burst of warmth, because there's only one person who would write such a letter to me.
love ya, gorgeous.
yeah, the last letter was a year back, and goodness knows when my last letter to her was. but yeah. it's so nice to know that somewhere, out there, someone cares. maybe she's not thinking of me now, maybe she only thinks of me when she writes, that is to say, rarely, maybe we're not bossom friends or the closest of close, but hey. someone cares.
that's nice. =)
haha so today i got a letter from lauren. yeah, cool name, right? haha lauren rocks my socks! i feel so big sisterly and all next to her, because despite everything, she IS still a lot younger, plus living like halfway across the world it's really different for her. i can't talk to her like i can to michelle, or lucinda or mel or anybody, but it's just so nice. i mean, she's so, YOUNG. it's like talking to daniel or david, without the hyperactivity and all, and probably because we live so far apart and communicate so little, i actually get the feeling she's interested in me, what i do, what i'm like... maybe even looks up to me, although that's probably a bit far, i know. but still, it's nice. ego-boosting, yes, and precisely so that's why it's nice. =) yay
she's grown. well, obviously - time and tide wait for no man, as the overrated saying goes. but she's matured too, i'm a little shocked at how much she's matured. her writing's still slightly shaky, but the letter's typed, an email's (her mum's) included, everything. she assumes less, knows more, is more reflective, knowing, and well MATURE on the whole. yeah. it's cool. lauren's growing up too! the whole technology and friends and style and all... haha. it's happy, and sad, and nice all at the same time.
but the nicest part of all is she just accepts me for me. she doesn't really understand me, anymore than i understand her, but she doesn't try to, doesn't try to assume anything, just cares for me all the same. it's so cheesy, but yeah that's nice. =) haha she even assumes that we live in totally different worlds. we do, but i HAVE actually heard of claire's and star wars hahaha the power of globalisation! yay! haha.
after all the bending to fit the shapes of society here, it's nice to be able to stretch and just comfortably sit in the mould that reads "Laura" and just that. no baggage, no preconceived ideas, no need to pretend to be anything, or like anybody. i don't need to care what so-and-so thinks, or what so-and-so will say, or how so-and-so will intepret this. for all that, this is me. i can be me and still be loved, and that's the nicest bit. they say a close neighbour is better than a far-off relative, but to tell the truth, blood is still thicker than water. it's nice to be able to act the way i want, and just be happy because she's seen me at my best and worst, when i was ugly and childish, when i was unglam and idiotic, and she's still fine with it. it's just so NICE, not to worry about being judged, because neither of you care, and just live. that's freedom.
i love cousins.
inside the envelope, there was an icecream stick. the first side said
"Laura and Lauren - forever cousins".then i turned it over -
"- and forever friends."thank you, lauren.
and thank you, michelle.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:47 PM
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Monday30.10.06MARK THIS DAY.
30th October 2006.a long awaited release
a beautiful ending
a solemn quiet truth
a dream come true
The
last chinese paper i'll ever take.
WE'LL ever take.
(well, that is if we get a decent grade, of course. but hey, why worry XD we're free, for the moment at least, more free than ever before)
Finally
a taste of the much pan4 wang4 after freedom
a truth release like never before
GOD, IT FEELS GOOD.
yay.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 9:18 PM
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Saturday, October 21, 2006
Saturday21.10.06Ready let's roll onto something newTaking it's toll that I'm leaving without youReady let's roll onto something newBut heaven ain't close in a place like thisAnything goes but don't blink you might missOOPS. this is the end.today was officially the last damn day of school, with Mrs Chan leaving and Mr Koh about to, and us packing up the damn classroom. dismantling everything. demolish. take it down.we never should have to do that. i want to keep the sense of place intact.our wishes have come true. the exam's over. the year's over. it's onto new bold fast free places for the ride of our lives (as if VIP wasn't, as if YOU weren't.)we'll never make it back to japan. i still feel myself wishing for the sun to dry up the wet on mount fuji. i still feel the warmth of huddling together. the heat of the onsen. the hugs of friends. the crying when we were rescued and the long long tv-less ride to UK. UK. everything.the times when you felt like you were the only person on the planet. the times when you felt that half the world hated you and the other half were halfway to coming to that conclusion.the times when you made someone else feel the same way.the things i did to you, for you, with you.will you remember them?will you remember me?will you know how much i hate to see you go?05V13.the funnest class i've had.the most intense class i've had.the most extreme.the only class that could make mecry and laugh in the same sentencein the same choked breath.intense exciting excelling mixed emotions.05V13 the infatuation with success.have i been a good part of you?do you love me too?the photos.they're all in my head and you're all in my heart.
so out come the outpouring of emotions and all the nostalgia thats starting to trickle out of even the most stoic, the people who screamed hate and couldntwaittogo-ness for ages. i copy-pasted the above post (thanks,
xtine =) not because i wanted to illustrate the nostalgia and etc etc i'm sure a lot of us are feeling at least a twinge of now, but because it kind of applies to me. well, not fully, but then i'm not christine, am i? hai..
walking into t23 for the first time. in the wrong uniform.getting into our orientation groups. i'd just begun to remember yang yi's name when chunhan walked up to our group and i gave up. i HATE chinese names.playing whacko hahaha and mark getting sabo-ed cos his name was so damn easy. haha i played double whacko and xiaoxian got whacked cos i couldn't remember her name was xiao xian (chinese names i tell you)orion! =) orientation was fun with nicole and gillian and everybody. i remember being excited that baowei (one of my OGLs) was in dance. and ct. =Dhaha all the people in my flick with all the horrible chinese names X( i STILL can't remember you know hahaR-O-D-E-O say R-O-D-E-O say R-O-D-E-O, ONE MORE TIME!orion won best OG! (or something like that)OG bbq, sea regatta... haha our OGLs dunked themselves -.- cos they didn't want to be dunked and -_____- the guys in our flick ran for ages and we nearly missed our flick shot cos chunhan ran away cos he didn't want to be dunked. i forgot if he was in the end. lol.lining up in lines according to the bridging curriculum books we read - i still remember my group was the worst of, we were made to arrange the story without words and without pre-discussion. funny, i remember chunhan getting really frustrated and me being really bossy. because ms low made a lesson out of it *wince*dance tryouts! GOSH damn scared. i hadn't doubted that steph and jinglin would get in, but i was kinda surprised that i made it too. well, i mean i wasn't that surprised after seeing the auditions, =P but i was still quite surprised anyway. hm.dancing on stage with badminton and table tennis and goodness knows what else in the hall in front *wince*SYF! gosh. as in, the practices. zaki completely and totally rocks. climbing in on sundays. leaving at 10 plus eleven each night.netball! stacy, glanies (TSD!), farhanah, wanling, jacq, everyone. =)talking with mel on the swings on wednesdays.talking with simran, christine etcbuying presentsforming the plant club *bsh*forming the ....something about zeya, i cant remember the name...club.doing alot of dumb things. having alot of fun.yangyi! brainy man! hahasplitting into class groups even for mathsoh! chinese! arrrghhhhhh. haha.japan! fuji! rockclimbing! debate!all the images whizzing by, faster and faster and faster until they become a blur, a breathless blur that becomes your life.
psl training orientation training ipo 06 orientation1 chronos valour icis thor osmoze razzle inferno animagus psl sessions regale dance concert preparations REGALE then lessons projects lessons deadlines sleeping rushing rejection pain happiness exhaustion relief UK UK UK then lessons projects studies end of years...etc, etc, etc. you know what? it's not important. well, it is, but that's not the point. we've been there, done that, now we're moving on.
all the best to the 06 vip batch.
may you have as much fun as we had, and learn to love the ip as we have.
well, it's not like you won't learn to hate it no matter what, is it now.
and to the 07 vips, hey. all the best, whoever you are.
06psls, rock on. keep up the tradition, the spirit, whatever.
we had it, i think. finally, after months of ragging the vs guys. we had it.
the victorian spirit.
well, what'd you know.
i always thought i'd hate leaving the ip.
now i'm here, i'm not as devastated as i could be. i had - we all had - our share of pain, tears, sweat. some more than others, all more than we'd dreamt of.
but hey. i'm gonna miss it.
05v13. the class i've loved, hated, laughed with, cried with, learnt with.
the class i'll miss.
xinhui charissa pamela michelle eunice christine zhihui koganti sean justin samuel jastine zhiquan yirui jared nazri chunhan yangyi xijiao shanshan yijin yufei nicole xiaoxian prema simran gillian huangyue mark
thank you.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:41 PM
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Wednesday, October 18, 2006
wednesday18.10.06WE'RE GETTING ZAKI TMR!!! AHHHHHHHH YAY YAY YAY
YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!haha !!! can you believe it!! i mean like !!!!!! finally, after months and months and months and MONTHS, ya know? like !!!!!!! yayyyyyyyy
haha okay now chunhan would call me bimbotic again *glare* and then i would go "i am SO not" and yirui would remark that "scgs girls are
so not bimbotic" and i would say "whatever!" and chunhan would point out "exactly, see!" and WHATEVER hahhahaha I DON'T CARE cos WE'RE GETTING A ZAKI CLASS TMR YAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this SO SO SO SO SO
ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:14 PM
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Saturday, October 14, 2006
Friday13.10.06hey, friday the thirteenth.
well, so many things i could bitch about, complain about, angst about.
but for the moment, i'd like to stay happy.
so
WE WENT TO WATCH WADE ROBSON!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH da:ns festival 2006 hip hop competition finals at the esplanade concert hall WAS LOVE and wade robson WAS LOVE and it just completely totally rocked! the contestants were so good, i completely felt like a dance spud, and yet so inspired at the same time, and WHY WHY WHY don't we get to meet the guys like them man DANIEL AHHHHHHHH (for the clueless, he's the one who won the individual solo OMG he's DAMN good, of course that goes without saying)
haha and the malay guy whose name i can't quite pronounces, zhaihar or something like that, who came in second HE'S ONLY NINETEEN YOU KNOW hahahahaha i know i know i'm high but SO COOL LA XD hahaha and the other guys were great too plus the "fantastic four" this guy group haha (a bit cheesy name but oh well) eh you know they're all malays ahhaha all muhammed something except for daniel LOL!
you know, i always thought singapore didn't have good guy dancers (except for like sdt i suppose), then i went for the hip hop championships and realised there were a few, and then now IT'S TRUE THEY EXIST hahaha why don't we meet this kinda people man???!?!?!
and the girls groups were really really good too =((( i wanted O Crew to get into the final round but oh well i guess the other group was better, after all. haha and then we watched Wade Robson himself dance IT WAS GORGEOUS hahahaha INSPIRATIONAL AWESOME you name it haha !!!!!!! GORGEOUS NIGHT BRILLIANT DANCE
why can't all life be like that? a dance, maybe tough and maybe tiring and maybe hard, but not painful, always great, or at least not a bad kind of pain, not dipping to the depths of mind torture. (lol, i talk like i actually know what mind torture is, huh. well, feels like it, no matter how shallow it is. after all, everything feels bigger to a teenager doesn't it lol)anyway, i meant... well, when you dance, you think, sure, but you don't worry, you don't brood, you don't regret, you just move. and there's just you, the music, the space, the movement...you don't need drugs to slip into wonderland.
XD dancing is love!
Posted by nayrakroarual at 12:51 AM
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Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Tuesday10.10.06freedom is bittersweetlike a box of chocolates
dark, expensive, bitter, sweet.
like the wind on your face
even as you grip the bars
of your metaphysical prison
like the metaphors and the rhyme
that you enjoy even
as you critically analyse them
like the rainbow that washes over the sky
its beautiful colours
only to be proved in pencil physics drawings
like the moan of a seat as you lean
back on it and stretch
as you fight to recall the facts
like the ghost mockeries of laughter
ringing in your ears
as you press your nose against the glass
stare longingly at the world
outside
wish you were
inside
know you are
ouside
wish you were
inside
know you are
outside
don't know
don't care
don't know
don't care
who's fooling who?
false face doth hide what false heart doth know.do you know the deepest desire of your heart?freedom is bittersweet.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 12:29 AM
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Monday, October 02, 2006
Monday
02.10.06Meritocracy works for, rather than against social inequality. This may be an uncomfortable truth to some, but a truth it remains. And on closer examination, it is not that difficult to realise why. In order for meritocracy to work, social stratification is essential - if the different amounts of effort, talent and intelligence did not result in rewards of different weightage, there would be no incentive to work harder, smarter, or even at all. What is disturbing is that often meritocracy, one of the defining pillars in today's societal structure, is one also one of the largest bars trapping the poor in their poverty prison, preventing all but a lucky few from moving out. That is to say that meritocracy not only works for social inequality but more importantly, social immobility. Social inequality, while perhaps not as optimistic as some ideallists qould prefer, is acceptable as the norm - social immobility is not.
The ideals meritocracy and social mobility are just that - ideals. Fine ideals that, unfortunately, are not always complementary. In order to them to be, there must be a level of social equity present. Equity refers to the fairness - the equality of opportunity in a society, opportunities being the factors that make it possible for one to achieve a certain level of well-being through the generation of a certain level of income. That is to say that in order for meritocracy to work for social mobility, it must be possible for all to have the same opportunities to pursue a life of their choosing, whether this means acquiring an education for a job, obtaining credit for a business, finding fulfilling work or participating in public discussion and debate. Otherwise, without the means to achieve the gold trophy at the top of the ladder of meritocracy, meritocracy merely functions to widen the income chasm, strapping the poor in the wheelchairs of the socially immobile.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 5:47 PM
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