Friday, August 31, 2007

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AXIS! =)

hm tsd practical exams are over. only promo papers left now. 3 weeks.. i'm so dead. shall go into full studying mode... soon. =)

meanwhile, werewolf is the love! XD

Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:53 PM

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Friday, August 24, 2007

Thank God it's friday.

***

isn't it funny how after so long, there are a few people who, for some crazy undefinable reason, still really matter to you, and you can't quite pinpoint why. these are the people who totally don't know you yet see through your soul, who completely don't get you and yet also understand things no one else seems to see. their opinions you both couldn't care less and couldn't care more for, and you won't see, talk to or think about them for days on end, until out of the blue their faces pop into your mind and temporarily blind you.

***

heal my heart and make it clean
open up my eyes to the things unseen
show my how to love like You
have loved me
break my heart for what breaks Yours
everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
as I walk from earth into
eternity.

Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:04 PM

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Tuesday, August 21, 2007

girl power!

hm, you can kinda tell that i'm panicking when i start posting every five minutes. AHHHHH *inserts new panicking emoticon that michelle just supplied =D*
*screams*

okay i apologise in advance if i piss you off tomorrow. i'm just damn scared. and i'm supposed to be some imposing arrogant intimidating damn pissed off lady, so forgive me if i shout at you, i'm supposed to be in that kinda mood.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *screams*

okay so today was pretty good in that i hung out with diane and shakura and shreya who are really really nice and funny and NICE people yay i love them! haha *beams* and thana is nice too but he's a guy but yeah. lol. and he's pro-hitler. like, whatever man. oh that was so bimbotic of me. shows you how panicky i am, that i do something so out of the ordinary. what's that you say? it's normal? oh go away. haha.

i can't wait til saturday! or friday. just, no more wednesday please!

Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:23 PM

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I've just gotten back from the supermarket buying bananas for tomorrow's duologue, and the panic is finally settling in. shit. i think it's also a result of my watching both air crash investigation and seconds from disaster on national geographic just now, but it's taking its toll, obviously. ohhh drat *shivers*

Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:12 PM

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it's nice to realise you're not the only one, sometimes. that it's not always you against the rest of the world. that there are people you can turn to, smile with, laugh with, talk to. depend on. hang out with. after a while, you realise there are some people you just really value, people who actually value you -

friends.

thank you =)!

Posted by nayrakroarual at 9:05 PM

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Monday, August 20, 2007

What are the top 3 things you want to do in your life?

Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:09 PM

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it's printing! *beams* i don't even care that my printer's smudging it, that's how little 20% of my eoy means to me.

*beams* it's printing! 2 more days and the nightmare will be half over.

Posted by nayrakroarual at 1:31 AM

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I said I'd moved on and I'd leave it alone,
But before I walk out there is something that I need you to know..

Isn't it amazing that i'm so tired and i so need to sleep or else do my tutorials or something, but because i'm too lazy to print out my critical commentary (30 pages) i decided to blog instead. lol. anyway, this post is dedicated to all the procrastinators out there who should have finished long ago but left it til the last minute and are now up burning the midnight oil to finish their assignments, particularly if that assignment is a critical commentory 30 pages long for theatre studies. jiayou guys! in the end, you'll not remember what you said, but when you get it back, the hard work (or lack thereof) will show. jiayou!

What am I fighting for?
There must be something more..

I said I'm OK but I know how to lie

Posted by nayrakroarual at 12:59 AM

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Thursday, August 16, 2007

I hate the way you erased everything off, like you could really erase memory, wipe that slate clean and start over. I know you're not naiive enough to think that, or maybe you are, i mean, what the hell it's not like i know you very well, is it? i hate the way you've erased it all, so that the good disappear with the bad, and yet you act like everything's normal and nothing's changed except maybe - just maybe - our friendship's turned to plastic.
plastic.
like in the Mean Girls movie, you know?

i know people have problems that are worse than mine
i don't want you to think i'm complaining all the time
i just wish that everyone would go and shut their mouths
i'm not strong enough to deal with this

.
.
on a different note, i found this REALLY COOL passage on memory that will be my next post. i'm just lazy to type it at the moment.

Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:02 PM

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Funny thing is, even when there's a huge crowd, i never have trouble recognising you in the midst of it. Funnier thing is, yours is often the first head that i make out clearly in that crowd.

Posted by nayrakroarual at 8:05 AM

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Wednesday, August 15, 2007

i didn't get into the moe attachment i was applying for. i guess it just shows how lucky i've been, that, i'm way too used to getting accepted for whatever i apply for, usually getting what i want. that's a good thing, i suppose, and i know i'll be really busy even without the attachment, but i really did want it. a lot. i've long considered working at moe/as a teacher, and i was really intrigued at the going-ons behind the scenes that we never see. =' well i guess that says something about how dejected i'm gonna get next time when i get rejected for jobs. drat. i cannot get so easily demoralised. it's not a big deal, laura! yes, it is. there will be other opportunities! not like this one. it just means you weren't good enough, there's someone better and you're not that suited to this. relax, move on. true. trying to.

='

Posted by nayrakroarual at 9:19 PM

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Sunday, August 12, 2007



sigh. to quote the girl in the movie:

"i'd give anything to dance like that. it's like sex on heels."

i really want to learn to ballroom dance! preferably jive, but tango looks hot (or cool, whatever) too, doesn't it! *sighs* but yeah no one to go with! LOL and no time. well, someday...

Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:34 PM

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Tell me what's wrong with society
When everywhere I look, I see
Young girls dying to be on TV
They won't stop till they've reached their dreams

Diet pills, surgery
Photoshopped pictures in magazines
Telling them how they should be
It doesn't make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on?
Tell me what's going on?
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something is wrong

I guess things are not how they used to be
There's no more normal families
Parents act like enemies
Making kids feel like it's World War III

No one cares, no one's there
I guess we're all just too damn busy
And money's our first priority
It doesn't make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on?
Tell me what's going on?
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something is wrong

Is everybody going crazy?
Is everybody going crazy?

Tell me what's wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Rich guys driving big SUVs
While kids are starving in the streets

No one cares, No one likes to share
I guess life's unfair

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on?
Tell me what's going on?
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something
Something is wrong

Posted by nayrakroarual at 3:21 PM

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3 thoughts:

a) to bring or not to bring, that is the question. my guitar, that is. cos if i lug it to church i can borrow rui's tuner (or alternatively, borrow marcus =D) to tune it. but then i'll have to lug it around all day. but if i don't, i might be completely off-tune the whole week. unless daniel helps me tune it. but so far he has refused (although obviously he's the most in-tune one in the house) - to be fair he did tell me "higher" or "lower" but gave up after a while. it's highly doubtful that he'd help me tune it this week.

b) black & light lime green, black & pale blue, black & pale lavender, white & yellow, white & black, white & dark red or white & light lime green? oh dear haha it's so hard to decide room colours. speaking of which i saw these ABSOLUTELY FUNKY cabinets today but mum (and even the agent) pointed out that the effect wears off after a while so maybe i should go for something more conventional, safer (that is to say, more boring). cabinets? shelves? haha i really must take the time to design it.

c) i am totally unfit, technically sloppy and fat. i realised the unfit part last week playing floorball, and i've known that i'm technically sloppy for quite a while, but it all hit me (including the fat part) today at ballet class. i swear ballet class is enough to make anyone go on a diet. seeing stick thin people who couldn't look fat if their lives depended on it all around you, everyone wearing leotards which show off all your flab and fat and WHITE tights that make your thighs look all the more bigger.. well you get the idea. but anyway, my (4h old) diet got busted when papa randomly decided to bring us all on a late night walk to west coast park. which, by the way, is really nice, i really must come with the bs group (or alternatively, a bf) there someday. bet they haven't even seen it, they totally live on the other side of the country. and after that dav and dan convinced (well he didnt need much convincing) him to bring us to mac's for dessert. *shakes head* i am such a failure at the discipline issue. but it's okay, i knew that already. haha. mum's smart now, she's totally using the whole diet/exercise thing to get me to go running with her. i don't mind, it's nice talking to her during runs. my mum rocks man. speaking of running, papa'll be up in 5 hours to run before church. which means i need to sleep now i don't want to be late... later today. XD

goodnight!

Posted by nayrakroarual at 12:16 AM

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Friday, August 10, 2007

i realised that my blog makes words that are underlined white. cool, eh? it did that for italics and bold too, but i decided i didnt want it that way so i changed it. apparently, i forgot to change it for underlining. i wonder what happens when you strikeout a word.

speaking of which, here's the homework to-do list i did on tuesday:

chem
- lecture test on organic chem
- tutorials on organic chem and ionic equilibrium
- chemistry skill A practical (overdue 2 weeks.)

physics
- tutorials on wave motion and work energy power and whatever was before that

maths
- tutorial 7-10 for lecture B series
- tutorial 8.1-8.3 for lecture A series

tsd
- waiting for Godot essay on entrances
- memorise duologue
- practice duologue, work out subtext and action
- read up on styles of set and set design in theatre. research on previous stagings of la ronde and the blue room
- choose scenes to set design from the blue room and come up with premliminary set designs
- start writing my critical commentary on my classical duologue

miscellenous
- pack room
- tidy table
- find, organise and fill in notes

well okay, that's not bad. but oh dear i will have to work harder now. at least i've done my eom. now to do tsd essay...

Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:21 PM

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last sunday, xanga's featured question was "based on your experience, can men and women ever be just friends?" there weren't many interesting answers to this one, mostly because i disagreed with them (based on my experience XD), but then it occurred to me that anyway i can't answer it, i'd be committing the logical fallacy of the complex question. that is to say, to attempt to answer, in a simple yes-no fashion, a complicated question which obviously cannot be addressed with a mere yes-no answer. for example, "have you stopped beating your wife?" (if you answer "yes" it means you used to beat her, if you answer "no"... well yeah, you get the idea. typically used to trap witnesses.)

hmm talked to likai on msn last night/last last night. he's really nice =) and interesting to talk to, makes me feel kinda slow though, i'm always rushing to keep up, but it's fun! rather than having to slow down, you know? he thinks really differently from what i'm used to, which makes the conversation all the more interesting too. i do get pretty confused though, for example i can't marry the whole concept of skipping school for fun with fun. well i can, but not in that manner. hmm. well, hopefully will get to know him better! yay =)

Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:17 PM

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Thursday, August 09, 2007

I was lazy to look for my project work file, so i decided to google "moe pw eom" instead, to try and find the requirements for my (month-overdue, currently still-undone) EoM. the first page of results that came up where all blogs where people were complaining about moe rushing them for EoM and the whole stupid idea of pw!! LOL i was pretty amused. common horrors bond us, i suppose.

Posted by nayrakroarual at 6:08 PM

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Wednesday, August 08, 2007

i knew the day would come when all the beautiful words - the painfully blunt, frighteningly piercing and yet acutely beautiful words - would all be torn down off the wall and hidden from the world. i had made preparations somewhat - nowhere near enough, i found, for in my heart i had not believed what my intuition had whispered. notwithstanding this, it was still a shock to waltz down a corridoor long deserted to realise that that day had come, and passed, and the only place where the words still lived on was in our hearts, and perhaps tucked somewhere deep in a long-unvisited yet not quite forgotten corner of our memories. marker fades away and pencil erases off, but pen scars and, perhaps even more so, does memory...

i miss so many things, but at the moment i miss most that distant memory, that has scarred deeper than any pen and yet faded quicker than any marker. a memory of laughter and tears in a world less than perfect, and a reality more than complete.

...and she set down her pencil, took out her eraser and struck it across the page again, and again, in the desperate hope that as the words faded, so too would the memory. and the emotions in tow.

Posted by nayrakroarual at 7:21 PM

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Tuesday, August 07, 2007

haha i found out that xanga has this featured question thing which (to quote xinhui) "you can write about [when] you're bored and have nothing to write about."
i'm not bored, but it's pretty interesting anyway:

"if you could take back one mistake, what would it be?"

I don't think I would go back and take back any. How would I know that if I did that, that action would not be a mistake? And then I would want to take that one back. I don't live with regrets. Just learn from your mistakes and try not to make many more. -llamapop, a xanga blogger

for me, i'm not so sure. there are so many things i would like to change, and yet i'm too afraid to change anything for fear of changing all the good things as well. but maybe if there was one thing i would change, it would be that - well, not one event, but a series of connected events - two years ago at the start of ip1.
second on the list would have been the stupid decision to volunteer as pe rep in sec 1. pe rep is NOT supposed to equal sports captain, people!
third on the list would be to agree to join the youth comm last year. then again, i learnt alot. then again, i hated it... then again...

there are so many mistakes, they cannot be tied back to one central mistake or event. to change one is to change all thereafter, or to change none thereafter - hard to say, either way. in any case, you can't change the past, why bother? to quote llamapop, "don't live with regrets. Just learn from your mistakes and try not to make many more."

Posted by nayrakroarual at 9:06 PM

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amazing. i slept at like 930pm last night. haha. had the weirdest dream.. something about harry potter, with the whole nightmare about being a mudblood and all. i've been having weird dreams these few days - on saturday night, i had this dream that it was my birthday and everyone was there and we were all dressed in white or something, and he came to pass me my present or something. then on sunday night, i had a dream about daniel and david and i being kidnapped by some gangster people and then rescued by this super super nice guy in a blue t-shirt. HAHA. funny how alot of my dreams seem to involve daniel and david and them getting into trouble and me being unable to rescue them. maybe that says something. i've no idea what. lol. then last night, in addition to the harry potter dream, i had this dream about the vj dance club dancing salsa on stage. it was really weird - like i hadn't thought i was dancing, then hannah wong gestured frantically for me to go onstage and phoebe pushed me out. there were about 6-7 couples. haha hannah was on centre and i was slightly off to stage right. so i took the guy's shoulder/hand and he took my hand/waist and we started dancing. i was wearing heels and trying to copy hannah's steps (she was wearing those gorgeous heels she has for ballroom dancing) haha and the funniest thing was, my body already knew what to do and yeah so as the music changed i was able to keep up and turn and move in time with everyone else. the guy was good too, he knew his steps better than i did so he always led me properly. so cool right! why don't we get guys like that? haha ah well. dreams are just, dreams, i suppose.

today we got our dance jacket! *beams* it's really nice, except it doesn't say "vj" on it. oh well, whatever. too bad for vj.
i watched supersize me yesterday during ki. as a result, i am going on another diet. lol. and i'm starting a money log again. i can't believe i just spent $60 in 7 days, that's like insane. well okay it's not but considering i didn't buy anything drastic and actually thought i'd been spending pretty little, it's quite worrying. and i only have $90 left to last me the rest of the month. unless mum gives me my remaining $50 - she didn't give me all my allowance at the start, as usual. but i think she might not, she said that i owe her $70 for my phone bill. =( that's sadness. i know i'm supposed to pay my own phone bill, but usually when it only exceeds about $20, she'll pay it. i guess exceeding $70 was a bit much. hehe. too much sms to non-singtel people. dear, deary me...

national day on thursday! wonder what i'm gonna do. the week seems pretty tame, i suppose it's a good time to catch up on my work. okay i shall make a list so that i know what i have to do. it's not interesting so you should skip it.
chem
- lecture test on organic chem
- tutorials on organic chem and ionic equilibrium
- chemistry skill A practical (overdue 2 weeks. must do by today or i won't get it back before SPA next week)

physics
- tutorials on wave motion and work energy power and whatever was before that

maths
- tutorial 7-10 for lecture B series
- tutorial 8.1-8.3 for lecture A series

tsd
- waiting for Godot essay on entrances
- memorise duologue
- practice duologue, work out subtext and action
- read up on styles of set and set design in theatre. research on previous stagings of la ronde and the blue room
- choose scenes to set design from the blue room and come up with premliminary set designs
- start writing my critical commentary on my classical duologue

okay. that's not too bad, it's actually do-able. would be a lot more do-able if i had done my tutorials. which reminds me -

miscellenous
- pack room
- tidy table
- find, organise and fill in notes

there. if i can complete all this by next week, i should be relatively afloat of things. if not i'm totally gonna sink for promos, starting with tsd.

Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:12 AM

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Saturday, August 04, 2007

boundaries.
can we really change things?
passion.
how far is too far from the heart?

confusion.
where do i go from here?

Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:03 AM

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Thursday, August 02, 2007

pw is the worst subject on earth.

anyway, school's painful. it's not just the pw and tsd and ki assignments (shit haven't done ki), it's the old sores that keep reopening - house comm (like it or not, my heart will always belong to aquila! it doesn't help that yirui and hannah and all are in aquila too), friendships (used-to-be's or almost-was's - what's the difference anyway?) and yeah in general, just upsetting. i think i'm overreacting, but i even feel like i'm underreacting because i hate losing friends (or people i thought were friends/could have been friends). the only way that stops the hurt is to not care, but i hate not caring because ultimately i can't convince myself (well i can but i don't want to) that they weren't worth knowing and that we would never have gotten along. now i feel like i don't know them at all, like i'm looking at them from behind a glass wall, seeing that friendship just out of reach, like the diamond that slips from your fingers and drifts away down the river. i just keep asking myself what i did wrong, what went wrong, what happened.

i don't know.

***

lucinda, daniel, michelle, haiwei and the twins are basically keeping me going at the moment. people like yirui, pamela, mark, shakura, shreya and xinhui too. =) thanks so much guys. i really, really appreciate it. love you all! *hugs*

...

;)

Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:04 PM

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Babel




things to do before i die