Caitlin: "Would YOU be alright if you were me and you had to have a cotillion? Don't lie. It's like everyone here is a beautiful swan and BOOM I'm the fat ugly duckling."
Pierre: "Sweetie, you don't want a cotillion, why don't you just ask your parents to call it off."
Caitlin: (stares across the floor at Morgan dancing) "I'd want one if I could move like her. It's like sex on hard wood."
Haha! Realised something else. It probably helps that the girl's name (the one who died. that he was still hurting over even after 2 years) was Laura. LOL.
(Well, okay, technically that's true. But technicality isn't the point here.)
Haven't studied properly since wednesday. %#&@*! Sigh. It sucks to have all your exams crammed together, but I think I'd better make sure my next sem's exams aren't too spread out, either, or I'll just fail the last couple (like EL1101 this sem. Heh).
One of the reasons why Just Like Heaven is one of my favourite movies
(yes, I'm watching it now. Yes, I know it's killing my grades. Yes, I know I'll regret this tomorrow. And later, on 22 December)
is that the guy's hurt is so real. He really loved his wife, and even 2 years after her death, he can't "get over it," even though his friends are telling him to just let it go and move on. It really struck me, actually - how can people just expect you to move on just like that? This wasn't some short fling, or some messy break-up or whatever. This was his wife. They were in love, and she died. And he still loves her. Sure, two years is a long time, but how long is long enough to get over someone you love that much?
Hmm I'm not explaining this right. But yeah. In Francine Rivers' Found, the father is still really upset about the mother (forgot their names) dying, even though they're quite old and their children are all grown up and she's had cancer and all so it's not sudden. Then again, it's probably just as bad, because they've been together so long and now he has to live on alone. *shudder* It's actually quite a scary concept. I wonder what it's like, how it's like to have to feel like half of you is missing. Decades of shared life and love - everything he sees has got to remind him of her! (And I realised that both the scenes I'm describing are instances where the norm is defied and the guy outlives the girl. haha.) Bet it's excruciatingly painful. The loss must be pretty awful. *shudders again*
And I guess that's also why people start so many relationships on the "rebound." Because like it or not, the easiest way to forget someone - to move on - is to start caring for someone else. Which doesn't mean that that new love is any less real.
Coming into uni was very different because I was in the whole orientation mode again, ready to meet people and befriend the world. But after quite a short while I closed myself off pretty solidly, and totally didn't care about making new friends and stuff.
Hmm. Funny, I'd realised quite a long time back that I'd chosen to sell my soul to USP. But I never realised how - for lack of better word in mind - antisocial I'd become. It's not just about new friends, though. I've lost touch with a lot of my old friends, I realised. And it's quite sad because I was pretty close to so few (or so many, haha) of them.
The other day, I was looking through the bucket list that Mr Dax Young made us write last year. I realised that most of them are already obsolete - in the sense that I don't really want to do them anymore, or they just don't matter as much, not in the sense that I've already done them. Haha. Quite sad, though, that after doing all this, it may not even be anything that I want to do.
But anyway, I brought up the bucket list because #72 was "tell all my friends that I love them." And it popped into my mind when I was thinking about the whole friends thing.
I think I should stop thinking so much. Stop thinking who really cares for me, and just love them. Really make the effort to care for those I care for.
This is your life, are you who you want to be? This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be? When the world was younger and you had everything to lose
Everything I'm doing now needs to be done for me. But in the end... who really matters? I want to just stop, and do what I want to do. To care for something BIGGER than me.
Lol. I'm not making sense. Shall go back to paper 3 angst.
Life is characterized by choices, isn't it? Seems like my whole life has been a string of choices - some good, some bad, most of them really difficult at the time, and pretty simple in retrospect.
I remember choosing secondary school options in p6. I still wonder what it'd have been like if I'd chosen to appeal into RGSS. Knowing that I'd probably have gotten in, but that for once I'd be at the bottom of the intellectual ladder.
I think choices get harder as we grow older. Or maybe it's not that they get harder, but that we think more, and therefore it becomes harder to make the choice because we complicate it so much. The p6 choice was pretty simple, and I made it in like 2 seconds, after my results. ("Nah, no need to appeal. So mah fan. Not like I don't like SCGS anyway." XD) In sec 2, it was a completely different story. I spent months agonizing over the choice of schools, swinging from one end to the other and back again in a week, week after week. Drew up so many pros-and-cons charts, and talked to dozens of friends, seniors, mentors, family members. Haha.
Then in IP2, when again there came yet another choice, it was a long and complex decision-making process all over again. So many hours were spent poring over the options - it was the first time I actually dared call a teacher and ask for advice. The dumb thing is, I made the right choice in the end, choosing physics and chemistry, which I ended up really enjoying. But I wasn't even agonizing over the right dilemma at all. Haha. Well, I suppose in some sense, it was the right question - "should I take econs?" If I look at it that way, then I gave the wrong answer (no instead of yes). But at that point the question to me was, "Should I take econs or chem?"
It wasn't the dilemma that I should have been considering at all.
Then of course, uni! Haha. Again, weeks and weeks over which university, which faculty, which course. I still can't believe that I almost went into Engineering - funny how when you have made the choice, it becomes so clear that you wonder why you ever had such a problem deciding at all, but before you make the choice, everything's so murky it's hard to see two feet ahead.
I was brought back to this whole agonizing decision-making process all over again by David and Mummy going through the whole to-go-or-not-to-go (I say GO! =P) thing. Haha. I remember two years ago when Daniel was choosing which secondary school to go to. I think he made the right choice, and I'm really glad for it.
From the ...conversation... that I'm overhearing, though, David might not be.
Hm. I want to tell him to listen to Mum. Because I made the mistake of not listening, two years ago, and now I regret it quite a bit. But some things people just have to figure it out on their own.
First time I walked back by myself so late. It was a little scary, because it was so quiet - no cars at all, which was something I wasn't that used to. It was nice and peaceful, in a way, though seeing the park lights off really made me realise how late it was. Lol.
I calculated that in the past 10 days, I have spent approximately 5 hours really studying.
So doomed for exams. Sigh.
But yes. I refuse to screw up my CAP just because of these end-of-sems. Pull yourself together, Laura! FOCUS.
...
12 hours of freedom left. Rawrr.
Oh and I realised PGP is actually quite a good place to commit suicide. You don't even have to jump or anything, all you need to do is lean against the railing and wait for someone walking by to brush you and throw you off balance just a little and you're goooooooone...
...
On the bright side, although I spent like NIL time mugging this evening, it was really interesting discussing democracy and meritocracy and everything with Haik Gwyn and DavidCheah. I so miss talking to David man! He's awesome.
It was really nice to swing and talk and just be for a while. =) Some friends are just ...blessings.
~
Despite everything, and all this time, you're still one of my best friends, and I'm really glad we met. Haha.
Sorry I was rather out of it last night. Think I might've been pretty preoccupied and broody. I still had a lot of fun, though, and I hope I didn't ruin your night =P
Don't suppose I'll get to see you again before you leave.
2 movies in 2 days make for a lot of slacking time. =/ But I guess I'm still pretty glad I managed to catch My Sister's Keeper, even though it made me cry so much that my eyes were swollen for the next 24 hours (I kid you not. They only started going back to normal in the early afternoon today).
500 Days Of Summer was pretty good too, although, to quote HaiWei, it was very "familiar." A major plus point is that it was good, but I didn't cry a single tear. (thank GOODNESS. Don't think my eyes could have survived another flood.) I highly recommend both movies!
So anyway, I'd better get down to doing some actual work today.
.single en dehor pirouette en pointe
.pose pirouette en dedan en pointe
.play the guitar be able to play guitar for worship.
.lose 5kg
.a cartwheel without hands
.a front walk, back walk and round-off
.write a page in html
.paint a good picture
.eat Cold Rock ice cream .go bungee jumping .go sky diving
