Thursday, December 25, 2008
Christmas was really fun!
Okay, actually it's Christmas Eve. But it feels like Christmas 'cos tomorrow (I mean, today) I'll be on the plane for Korea mostly so yeah.
Morning, got up ...early. It felt early. 9am =P Chionged out with mama cos she was heading to the bank and I needed to go sks to pick up haiwei's present. Stupid rainy weather got my feet and legs all wet and cold.
Mama was very cute. She told me about this friend of hers who owns a warehouse for christian books and had invited her to go and offered discount. Then -.- it turned out to be sks! Which we realised when I directed her to the building. Lol. But I didn't get discount.
I stayed at sks a lot longer than I'd planned, cos well it's a bookshop and I get stuck at bookshops. Especially shops like sks where I want to read practically all the fiction and a great deal of the non-fiction. Haha.
Rushed home, watched Charlie's Angels II and Monsters Inc while chionging Christmas cards. Yes, okay, that's probably why I couldn't finish them. Stupid addiction to movies.
Candlelight was alright. It was fun having Haiwei there. He burnt through his cup -.- And yujun was so cute she dropped her candle and burnt her cup too! Kane acted as the fire extinguisher haha. And HuiRu was there yay! So was kwan, whom I'd forgotten to make a card for :blush: and daniel goh! Argh! Haha so pai seh. But yeah really no time (seeing how I watched 2 movies -.-) so oh well.
Tim Song and Jenny were there. Tim is awesome like SERIOUSLY I love him he has this way of making everyone feel at ease with talking to him (by talking a lot of crap :P) haha but yup! And Sean and Justin and Dhinesh (who gave me a scare as my Christmas present -.- lol!). And Luc and Johanna and Cheryl =) yay! And of course my favourite twins Ben and Dom. Yay! And edward. And rudolf. A lot of people. Dom Yeo James Jason too.
Haha. Justin was cute. He actually responded when I called "Angel!" Lol. Haiwei thought I was calling a girl. I suppose calling a guy Angel is kinda dumb. Well, too bad, I'm dumb :P Whee!
We had macs before going home. I had a really interesting sms convo w Nicholas. Oh Chinks and Benjamin from chinese congre were at candleglight service too yeap. Haha. So great to see everyone.
Ahh! Gotta rush and pack for korea. 4! Supposed to leave soon and I haven't packed... Ahhhhhh
Posted by nayrakroarual at 3:43 AM
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Wednesday, December 24, 2008
There's not much I can say at all. And certainly nothing that will make things (or you) better.
Well, that is, short of lying.
Or half-lying. Which is even more dangerous, as I've found.
So, um. I'm sorry. For making it painful. For not knowing what to do. For maybe falling and then picking myself up before you did.
I guess actually the nicest thing would be to act like a total bitch and block you and slam stuff at you til you're totally justified in hating me, and you do. Hate's the easiest way to get over things, I think. It's the most common, anyhow.
It's also the most terrible.
So, no. Because I don't want to fall in to the trap of hating you, and mostly because I don't want to be hated.
Yeah, okay. Guess I'm selfish.
I actually think we were friends. For what little time we had before I fell ridiculously hard and things screwed up. And, being brutally honest, I don't really care if we aren't now. I feel like I made fools of both of us. Which is also why we can't fall into the hating trap. Become even more stupid, wow, how predictable.
Heh. Don't know what I'm babbling about so late. It's Christmas Eve. I'm leaving this time tomorrow. HEARTFELT RELIEF AND JOY!
Posted by nayrakroarual at 1:33 AM
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Monday, December 22, 2008
Youth camp was amazing.
First thing was when we had to make group flag and group cheer. I thought it would be really painful, but it was quite fun because we had a good category - cereals! Hence my awesome group the HONEYSTARS!
Twinkle twinkle HONEYSTAR
Oh how awesome great you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle twinkle HONEYSTAR
Oh how awesome great you are!
Yayy! Haha. Abigail was totally awesome, talking to her and the rest of the 16s (Karina, Alvina, Hannah, VicLoke, Eliza) totally helped heaps. Sean was fun too!
Halfway through the food race on friday, Abie and I decided we were totally in love with Charlston for being so uber patient and awesome ;) YAY
Although I do feel rather bad about being so mean to Ivan. =( He really wasn't that bad. Sigh. I will be nicer to him! God, help me please please please help me to be patient AND gentle AND kind
Denise was really cute too! Haha and Jonas of course was really funny. So yeah my group was awesome! Yay haha
And Justin was a really cute angel. Lol. Though I admit I only wrote back when I realised he was my angel because before that I kinda didn't care =P And the last day was like prom all over again, but less glam. We were camwhoring like crazy. Lol. Hans and Dhinesh are total camwhores, seriously HAHA
Youth camp is LOVE
Posted by nayrakroarual at 1:28 AM
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Sunday, December 14, 2008
I just read Tigana by Guy Gavriel Kay. Whose Fionvar Tapestry is by far the greatest fictional series I have ever read. I remember reading somewhere that the mind is... can't quite remember the word, but inelastic will have to suffice til I recall it.The mind is inelastic not in that it cannot stretch, but in that it will not, cannot, can never return to its original state once stretched. The Fionvar Tapestry is like that. Those three books are so powerful, so deep, so intriguing, that after reading them I knew I had just read something at least 5 levels above anything I had read before, and for a long time I could read nothing lesser. Not after being shown what could be.It's funny, actually. Perplexing, somehow, that the little figures of dark ink marching across the pages could illicit smiles, chuckles, even laughs and helpless tears. Could make your heart ache and yet your spirits lift. A beautiful line, and there is a burning behind the eyes. Another, and the water pools at the lids, threatening to spill over.When I was smaller, I didn't like to read in the presence of others. Oh, read I did. I was ever enraptured with my nose deep within the pages and my mind and heart deeper still within the stories woven. Someone - Camille, or Li Shan, or Jean? commented on the day we collected our PSLE results that it was the first time she'd seen me without a book in my hands.But I prefered to read alone. Because then there was no obligation to remain tethered to reality, one foot on Earth and one foot in the realm in which the story was set. No one around and no where to go, so it was not necessary to keep one eye on the stairs, one ear on the conversation. No need to pull painfully back to the present and tear away from the plot in order to stop the rising tears or the joy expanding within the chest. Alone, you can cut yourself loose and fly with the words and the tale, grinning or sobbing til your heart's content.Sounds and images hold a great power. So, too, do words on a page. Curious, how a few chosen words - not original in themselves, or even, often, in their phrasing - for it is true that the Author cannot really create but merely collate words of origins too ancient to remember - can have such power on a person's mind and heart, and so body.Merely collated. Yet woven with such skill that they could pull at one's heart and drag one's soul far away, before bringing it gently, though not slowly enough, back to the now. Great writing has great power.In the end, though, I did return back to the lower level. Did shrink back to Tamora Pierce and Eoin Colfer and Meg Cabot, because maintaining high levels are tiring, and high levels rarely bring you back to the happy endings you sometimes crave when you throw yourself into a book, to be brought a shallow relief that you know, knew, know again what would happen.It was too hard to read so much, and alone. The price of friendship and time was too high. I couldn't keep retreating into a quiet space to dive into a fantasy world. So I turned to stories less complex, writing more cheerful and less serious, so that I could read while still anchored in reality. That grew tiresome, and even lesser stories can enrapture, particularly the first time (or first three times). So slowly, by and by, I stopped reading.Books are portals to the worlds and places and peoples beyond their pages, in the stories they weave about you. The greatest books grab you and spirit you far, far away from where you are. This is what I read fiction for. It is also why I prefer fantasy books - it's easier to be happy if everything, not merely the plot, is unreal. If you are in a wholly different world, a wholly different time, you can suspend your disbelief even more, and the plots are less tainted by the pains of modern life, and so you are further away from where you are now.Imagination is a brilliant, glorious double-edged sword.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 7:02 PM
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Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Off to camp off to camp! (:
Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:09 AM
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Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Ice-skating today was fun!
Although I fell spectacularly JUST when I'd taken off my jacket, hence ending up with an elbow scrape.
But the rink was so lovely and empty, and there was this girl who was reasonably old who was taking beginning lessons, so I was able to learn something other than the normal open-close schulling or whatever they call it.
I can cross-over now! Which means when you turn and all, cross your feet so it looks nice. Haha. It's super simple but it took me a while to get it. And I'm learning to skate backwards, a little. I still look super stupid hahaha but oh well! Yay exciting.
Daniel and David had fun too. David is very excited (despite the fact that he spent a good deal of the time picking up stray ice to hurl at me) and declares that he loves ice-skating and we should go again soon. Daniel had blisters (well so did Dav but Dan sat out sooner) so Mum came in halfway in his skates. It was hilarious. She's so scared of falling, never let go of the side. =)
Papa came to watch us and eat lunch with us too. It was fun. Mummy and Papa videotaped us ice-skating but it was pretty boring I must say. Cos we can't do anything but skate round and round, and we don't do even that. Haha.
~
Young Adult Camp tomorrow! I'm really scared but I'm looking forward to it too. Sad DomYeo isn't going =( But maybe being with James and DanielGoh and TimSong and all will help. Wonder if Rui is going. Haha. Funny that out of the young adults, I find it easiest to talk to the guys. Well, except for people like SereneGoh. And Pearlyn and Danielle and SereneLim.. Actually, it's quite alright talking to the younger young adult girls. Haha. Oh I hope both Serenes are going! And Pearlyn and Danielle and Vic and Jenny and all. AH KAT! I don't think she's back yet =( but not sure. Darn, I really miss her. And Mel too. And HuiRu.
Okay. I haven't packed. I suppose I can pack tomorrow =P
~
Don't be selfish, Laura.
Just don't think. It's easier. You've done it before. Block out the thoughts and you'll be fine.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:41 PM
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Monday, December 08, 2008
Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Away above the chimney tops.
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why then - oh, why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,
Why, oh, why can't I?
Posted by nayrakroarual at 9:22 PM
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Tuesday, December 02, 2008
WHY BEAUTY MATTERS
(adapted from Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge)
Beauty is powerful, perhaps the most powerful thing on earth. It is therefore also dangerous, because beauty matters.First, beauty speaks. Think of what it is like to be caught in traffic for more than an hour. Horns blaring, people shouting obscenities, exhaust pouring into your windows, suffocating you. Then remember what it's like to come into a beautiful place, a garden or a meadow or a quiet beach. There is room for your soul. It expands. You can breathe again. You can rest. It is good. All is well.That is what beauty says: All shall be well.Beauty also invites. Recall what it is like to hear a truly beautiful piece of music. It captures you, you want to sit down and just drink it in. Music like this commands your attention, invites you to come more deeply into it. The same is true of a beautiful garden, or a cene in nature. You want to enter in, explore, partake of it, feast upon it. We describe a great book as "captivating" - it draws you in, holds your attention. You can't wait to get back to it, spend time with it. Beauty invites.We do not merely want to see beauty, though, God knows, even that is bounty enough. We want something else which can hardly be put into words - to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves. (C.S.Lewis, The Weight of Glory)
That's why, watching a dance or hearing a song, you don't just want to watch. You want to jump up and join in the dance, lift your voice and sing along. You want not just to experience it but to be beautiful. Beauty invites you in to join it, and we ache because we cannot.Beauty comforts. There is something profoundly healing about it. That is why we send flowers to the bereaved. In the midst of their suffering and loss, only a gift of beauty says enough, or says it right. Beauty comforts. It soothes the soul.Beauty inspires. That's why, watching Tai Yi dance, I wanted to get up and join a dsi and become like her, to dance like her. A teacher in the inner city explained why he insisted on putting a fountain and flowers in the courtyard of a building: "Because these children need to be inspired. They need to know that life can be better." Beauty inspires.Beauty is transcendent. It is our most immediate experience of the eternal. Think of what it's like to behold a gorgeous sunset, or the ocean at dawn. Remember the ending of a great story. When a beautiful dance or a gorgeous piece of music comes to an end, we sigh. We yearn to linger, to experience it all our days. Beauty gives us a glimpse into eternity.Sometimes the beauty is so deep it pierces us with longing. For what? For life as it was meant to be. Beauty reminds us of an Eden we have never known, but somehow know our hearts were created for. Beauty speaks of heaven to come, when all shall be beautiful. It haunts us with eternity. Beauty says, There is a glory calling to you. And if there is a glory, there is a source of glory. What great goodness could have possibly created this? Beauty draws us to God.All these things are true for any experience of Beauty. But they are especially true when we experience the beauty of a woman - her eyes, her form, her voice, her heart, her spirit, her life. She speaks all of this far more profoundly than anything else in all creation. "For where is any author in the world Teaches beauty as a woman's eye?" (Shakespeare)Beauty is without question the most essential of God's qualities and feminine qualities. It is also the most misunderstood. We know it has caused untold pain in the lives of women (and men too).But why so much heartache over beauty? We don't ache over being geniuses, or fabulous hockey players. Women ache over the issue of beauty - they ache to be beautiful, to believe they are beautiful, and they worry over keeping it if ever they can find it.Every woman is haunted by Eve in the core of her being. She knows, if only when she passes a mirror (or a reflective shop window), that she is not what she was meant to be. Remembering the glory that was once ours awakens our heart to an ache that has long gone unfulfilled. It's almost too much to hope for, too much to have lost.Every little girl - and every little boy - is asking one fundamental question.But they are different questions.Little boys want to know, Do I have what it takes? All that rough and tumble, that superhero dress up and blasting off aliens' heads, all of that is a boy seeking to prove he does have what it takes. Boys are made in the image of a warrior God. A God of strength.Little girls want to know, Am I lovely? The twirling skirts, the glittering tiaras, the dress-ups and spas - that's what it's all about, it's a longing to be pretty and to be seen. Girls are made in the image of a glorious God. A God of beauty.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 12:22 AM
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I read a quote somewhere
Any idiot can face a crisis. It's the day to day living that wears you out.
'A' levels are over. The thing that's haunted out thoughts, actions, words, lives for the past goodness-knows-how-many years is
over. The post-exam stress-nightmares that some of us are still getting are fading. Interesting. Life feels ...light. Not free. Light. Planned, but not ordered. Light.
~
I'm probably gonna strike #52 (get
really drunk) off my list now. I don't REALLY want to get really drunk. Getting tipsy was bad enough.
But actually if I had a choice, I'd do the same thing still. Because some things you just gotta learn by experience. Some mistakes you just have to make yourself.
And weirdly enough, it's actually possible to control the drunken-ness. A little. It's both easier and harder than I thought it would be, which is interesting.
~
Phoebe and Xin Hui rock my world. Like seriously. I love you guys =)
Posted by nayrakroarual at 12:03 AM
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