Monday, September 29, 2008
IT IS DONE IT IS DONE IT IS DONE :) :) :) YAYYYYYYYYYYYY HAPPINESS REDEFINED WHOOHOO OMG YAYYYYYYYY GOD THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH IT IS FINISHEDDDDDDDDPosted by nayrakroarual at 8:13 PM
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Friday, September 26, 2008
Posted by nayrakroarual at 6:33 PM
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Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I'm wondering if there are some things that you just never get over. You read all those books, especially ones by people like Mitch Albom or Jodi Piccoult who are incredibly good at telling heartwrenching stories about how small, ordinary little mistakes (or maybe not so ordinary or small, but extremely believable and completely commitable nonetheless) can just screw up this whole chain of lives. Or at least one person's life entirely. And so I said to myself, Never! Never will I commit that mistake. I will be careful, I will be smarter, I will be loving and I will be strong. I will not ruin my life, or my kid's life, or whoever's. I may make mistakes but I will recover from them. There are very few irreparable mistakes, and I am not going to commit them.But then there're times like these, when I wonder if I haven't already committed those very mistakes. Or maybe I was wrong, that there are a lot of irreparable mistakes and things you just can't get over, recover from.
I guess I thought I was over it. Stupid! Statements like that always invite trouble. Obviously. But really, I thought I was. I thought it wouldn't bother me anymore, but then stuff like this happens and that huge green knife just stabs again and I just let it. Stupid, stupid, STUPID.
So now I gotta figure out what it is that cut so deep. Maybe it's the fact that we're not as close anymore, that I find it really hard to talk to you even though you're such an awesome person. Or maybe it's the fact that I know we were never really that close anyway, even though that's one of the friendships I've give just about anything to have. Or maybe it's the fact that things are just happening without me, and I'm just stuck in here in this gorgeous green room staring out. Or maybe it's the fact that I wasn't even aware that things were happening, til they happened, and that I didn't know at all, even though I thought - sorry, hoped - (more like dreamed, actually) that we were better friends than that.
Lol. Can't believe I let myself on delusions like that.
That's how people make irreparable mistakes. They all have this hamartia, or fatal flaw, that ultimately dooms them. If they could overcome it, they're fine. If not, it trips them up and they spiral down over the course of the years. Wow, amazing the things TSD can teach you.
So, my fatal flaw is that I can't seem to destroy that knife. I thought I lost it, but it was just hiding for a while, waiting to stab again. Or actually, it may be that I let myself dream stupid things now and then. Hm? If I could kill the dreams, I could destroy the knife. But sadly, no guts to kill the dreams. Bah!
Posted by nayrakroarual at 9:44 PM
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Tuesday, September 23, 2008
They say, stay inside the lines we've drawnyou will be just fine
don't take chances with your life, c'mon
But
they don't want this and
they don't need this and
this was never theirs at all
So here I stand
Ready for anything
Just a man
But I'm giving everything
We're here
Only for a second and then
We're gone
When we least expect it so
Do more than survive
Let's live like we're alive!
Posted by nayrakroarual at 12:45 PM
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Friday, September 19, 2008
It's gonna be the physics paper in a few hours, and I should really be studying, I know. But it's so quiet. I'm kinda freaked. Such a huge house, but I'm the only one awake.. Sigh. Normally my parents watch tv til really late. Which is totally not nice if I wanted to sneak out. But I don't, so I actually like that there're signs of activity besides my mugging in the house.David and Daniel and I climbed onto the roof today. It was awesome. Not just the just-outside-the-loft-windows roof that we normally climb out on, but all the way to the top of the house.
It started when David wanted to play hide and seek. Daniel didn't want to play after one or two rounds, so I said I'd play, and David and I went to hide. I hid outside the loft, but to avoid being found kinda snooped to the next house so that I could hide around the corner. It's awesome up there. Breezy, bright yet not hot, it just feels like you're on the top of the world, or in a whole different world. I love it out there man.
So anyway, later David and I played hide-and-seek again, and David hid in my old spot (-.- imagination?? lol) except that instead of just going around the corner he went to the very peak of the roof. Ohhh it was so awesome haha I went up to join him (mum kinda gave it away when she told me to tell David to be careful).
Whee! Rooftops are gorgeous places.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 12:09 AM
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Wednesday, September 17, 2008
It's TSD in a few hours and I really should be studying but I'm blog hopping instead (well, blogging now I guess) and I just saw mum walk back up to the front gate (which my window overlooks) so I have about 3 minutes to finish this post hit publish and get out of hereI hear the phone, maybe about 4 minutes
Haha!
Anyway I seriously need to stop smsing people so much, my inbox tells me that in last week alone I nearly busted my month's limit AHHHHHHHHH mum's back
Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:05 AM
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Thursday, September 11, 2008
I'm tired. I'm super, super tired. And I'm just.. sigh. Tired. Okay, I know my vocabulary sucks. But yeah. This is like the worst time ever to think about things. Even minor things, like my KI IS are enough to set me into depression. And then there's that whole thing with ...$%^&*() nevermind. I'm just tired, I think. That's why my priorities are totally flipped and I'm so upset. *yawns*On a better note, though, I do feel much better after talking to phoebe today. Thank God for her. Seriously, Lord, thank you. I know I've been neglecting my QT and just depending all on my own strength. And it sucks. But Phoe really reminded me again how much He loves me, and how good He is. And that I don't have to do it all alone, and I shouldn't try.
And I just felt so so much better after praying and talking to God and just connecting with home base again. Thank you, God, for the little reminders like that. I know it in my head, but sometimes, well, I just forget. So yeah. Thanks, God. And thanks for phoe again =)
Home base. You know, we weren't made for mortality.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 8:21 PM
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Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Today. is an awfully. complicated. day.Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:15 PM
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During, i.e. in the MIDDLE of prelims have GOT to be the WORST time EVER to fallalthough basically any time is a bad time to get your life complicated up
:(
