Sunday, May 24, 2009

i'm obsessed.
i'm obsessed i'm obsessed i'm obsessed.

DARN.

~~

me: it seems hard to love someone and only that one someone for the rest of your life.
hw: maybe you just haven't fallen hard enough yet.
me: i've fallen pretty hard, quite a few times. if i still haven't fallen hard enough yet, it's gonna hurt a lot when i do *wince*

Posted by nayrakroarual at 1:02 AM

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Saturday, May 23, 2009

Somehow the next few days seem a little more bleak.

Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:44 PM

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Hmmm. Feeling kinda hungry now. And a little headachy (think it might be related to the hunger). Haha. I'm actually getting used to the feeling. Haven't eaten dinner for the past 3 days, I think.

On wednesday I ate breakfast, and lunched with some other FMSS relief teachers (Helsa, Jac, Joel). After school went back home, grabbed a po-lor-pao and headed out for tuition again. Okay, so technically I did eat dinner. Haha. I didn't have my bubble tea after ballet! :( :( :( but I bought a kinder bueno. Which, btw, really is very nice to eat. Haven't eaten any in quite a while. Mum used to buy them by the box, iirc - never lasted the week in my house, though. Haha.

Yesterday (Thurs) lunched with Jac at 11am (in between classes). Then rushed for USP interview. Met Shakura and Fiona! Yay! Then went back, changed, headed for VDA conditioning/choreo. After that, got Wei-An to come with me to Payar Labar so I could get my beloved Champagne Grape Red Tea on the way back home XD XD XD.

Since I missed the last session (and will miss the next 4 sessions at least), Wei-An had to teach me the steps on the way back. LOL it was super funny! We danced at the bus-stop, talked through steps on the bus, danced at the mrt station, and throughout the train ride back! HAHA people were totally giving us the "Are these people crazy?!" glances (stares, actually). And 'cos it's kinda hard to keep balance on the train so we kept falling. To quote Wei-An, "This is why I don't wear VJ shirts out." (I was wearing a VJ shirt, he wasn't.) HAHA

So anyway, no dinner. But I had the bubble tea so pretty okay, though got kinda headachy at night.

This morning, nearly passed out during assembly, I was so hungry la! But then suddenly when I got back to the staff room, it was ok, so I decided not to go down and eat yet. Then Joel walked by and suggested going down for breakfast during our common break. (I was actually on break practically the whole day. Haha. He had class.) SO, I stayed in the staff room to mark.

Nearly DIED waiting for him to get back LOL honestly! Pretty bad headache (could be the stupid answers though...how many times do I have to explain that 3 times of x is NOT x^3?!) and rather hungry. So, being me, I decided I'm gonna eat first, don't care. But when I stood up and walked around I was okay. So decided to go to the lounge and snack on my beloved Ritz biscuits again (I've been depleting their supply practically single-handedly! Haha).

BUT THERE WERE NO MORE LEFT! Gah. So then I decided I wasn't hungry after all. LOL. I think an effective way of dieting is bringing snacks that you don't want to eat (like carrot sticks) - really helps you differentiate whether you're HUNGRY or just feel like eating.

Whee! Anyway, breakfast, then lunch, then champagne grape bubble tea again! Haha. It's my newest love. I drink it EVERY TIME I have dance at Simei (like the pineapples I used to eat before VJ dance).

And now...hungry. So I shall go sleep.

Loooong entry on my meals this week. LOL. oh well.

Posted by nayrakroarual at 12:23 AM

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Thursday, May 21, 2009

I think that I have learnt infinitely more from relief teaching than any (or all) of my students have learnt from my teaching.

Isaiah 46:8 "..take it to heart, you rebels.."

I've just realised how infinitely patient God is with us. Fifty minutes (what the heck, FIFTEEN minutes) in 1G make me scream and go all bad-mood and (sometimes) lash out at the kids. They openly defy, disobey, refuse to listen, refuse to think, refuse to learn. And that's just a few out of the 41 of them, of course.

6.7 billion people on this planet, and millenia trying to make us listen, learn, obey. And God doesn't lose his cool. I mean, our planet is still around, isn't it? So are 6.7 billion of us.
Now, that's patience.

And I also realise how arrogant and rebellious I have been.

I mean, barely 6 years (and a few Culture Quality points) separate me from the kids I'm supposedly teaching. And yet already, I know that what I'm supposedly teaching them (English, Math) is SO important, that this could make or break so many of their futures, that they would have it so much more easier next time if they just did a little more work now, if they listened when I talk, if they obey when I give them work, if they come to me for help if they have trouble.

But no. Instead, they talk during the lesson. Walk about the class. Complain (or plain defy) when I set work to do. Refuse to listen, refuse to humble themselves. They call me when they don't understand how to do the questions, but it's not to learn - it's to ask me to do the question for them, or take the work away.

They don't lack the intellectual capacity to learn the work, nor the physical capacity to do it, yet in their short-sightedness they do what seems best to them now. It takes a cmf booking, sending out of class, detention/suspension/caning, to get them to pay attention and listen to me. And even then, it's only for an incredibly short period of time. Within the period, they're back to their rebellious arrogant selves.

Sound familiar? No? Lets think harder.

Is it not conceivable, perhaps, that God should know more than us? That God, having being present from the moment of creation and way before that, having designed us from the dust and breathed life into our being, should know what is good for us, what we ourselves would enjoy (if we would just walk the way he shows us) and what we would hate (which would happen if he just let us choose our own ways)?

God speaks to us through his Word. It's there for us, the bible is so easy to reach, so easy to open and read. And yet, we don't. I write the task on the whiteboard, it's in the middle, clear and perfectly visible, yet they don't read it; and if they do, they don't ponder on its meaning and act upon its instructions.

We refuse to listen to His constant urging through our conscience, disobey His instructions, complain to Him (or to others) when we are given specific tasks to do.

He's promised to help us when we have need, if we would but call on Him. But we don't turn to Him with a request for help, but a demand to bring what we desire, or take away what we do not desire.

It takes something sharp, shocking, painful, to wake us up. To make us pay attention, listen, humble ourselves and obey.

And then in an incredibly short time, we forget the lesson. We go back to our old arrogant selves, assuming we know more than God, refusing to listen, refusing to obey.

We are all the ignorant, short-sighted, immature kids in God's class. God, the great Teacher, has dedicated Himself to helping us. Oh, that we would go to Him in humility and with an open spirit!

Posted by nayrakroarual at 12:20 AM

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Sunday, May 17, 2009

"Missing someone isn’t about how long it has been since you have seen them or the amount of time since you’ve talked. It’s about that very moment when you’re doing something and you wish that they were right there with you."

```
When it comes to relationships, people are always so scared of the what-if’s that they forget what is. They spend so much time thinking, “What if I get hurt?” and “What if it doesn’t work out?” that they stop thinking about things that are already real. They forget the feeling they get when the person they love walks into the room and the excitement that rushes through them when the phone rings cause it might be the person they are hoping to hear from. Never let the fear of what-if stop you from letting yourself take a chance on love … because what if this is the person you’re destined to spend the rest of your life with?

~~~
BAM!
Did you hear that? That was the sound of the hammer hitting the nail on the head.

Damn you, mel :p

Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:24 PM

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So let Your Name be lifted higher
be lifted higher
be lifted higher

You are stronger, You are stronger
Sin is broken, You have saved me
It is written, Christ is risen
Jesus, You are Lord of all


Worship this morning could've gone better. I guess it was my fault. I did mention I really thought the lights were too dim for worship, so today Amos told the ushers not to off the lights at all -.- At first, they turned off ALL the lights (as usual. and like always, I wondered if it was a blackout at first. lol.) then they turned them ALL back on. Which was even weirder. Sigh.

And there were some people in the front row that kept talking even when we were singing. I was wondering if they were just talking about random stuff or commenting about me or how I was singing or what I was saying or whatever. Very distracting. And it was quite loud =( could hear them throughout (though not what they were saying, of course). At first I thought maybe the slides didn't show. But they did.. I dunno. Tried to focus on leading properly. But the transitions were just sucky.

What's wrong with me? Why do I always screw up worships like this? Thank God it was not totally terrible. But yeah. I dunno. Then it's so hard to have lunch or get to know my worship team and yeah. Bah.

Ok I'm rambling. School tomorrow again. Gosh I'm tired..

Posted by nayrakroarual at 5:54 PM

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Monday, May 11, 2009

Bet my new diet is not gonna last. I already broke it 3 times (2 cookies and 1 biscuit) today. Haha. But it's rather fun. It's a fruit diet. i.e. I eat only fruits. Well, sorta. I drank carrot soup just now, but whatever. The problem is, we ran out of grapes (had them for dinner) and Mum just baked this absolutely delicious set of cookies last night.

Boooooo. Why is it the house always fills up with good stuff just when I can't eat it? Last week there was nothing nice to eat, and this week the larder's chock full... boooo.

Posted by nayrakroarual at 8:26 PM

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Friday, May 08, 2009

It's almost full moon tonight.

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there, someone's saying a prayer...

~~~

Haha. Still nothing from NTU. But considering the NUS letter took a week to travel about a km to my house, I suppose I shouldn't expect anything too soon yet. Have this funny feeling SMU rejected me, boo them. But yeah, feeling pretty sure about NUS now. =) Thanks for the support, guys.

Audrey's right, every time someone asks you about it or you tell someone about it, you convince yourself a little more that everything's okay for you, everything's gonna work out fine, and this is totally what you really want...

Posted by nayrakroarual at 12:24 AM

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Wednesday, May 06, 2009

It's so much more real with the application booklet and freshman guide in your hands.
Anyway, no chance of appeal. Not if you didn't get called up for the selection test/interview.

Hope is deadly.

Felt like crying, snapped at Mum cos she kept saying stuff like, "So taking KI was really costly." and "So, you're applying for pyschology?" Like I haven't said ten thousand times that we are first admitted into FASS, then we bid for modules and later declare our major. As if I haven't already realised that choosing KI cost me a chance at admission to Law.

USP hasn't replied anything. I'm starting to think maybe I should stop hoping for that, too. "Only shortlisted candidates will be contacted." I scoured the whole site, but it doesn't say anything about being able to apply during your term at NUS if you didn't get in before. The FASS site had a small line about being able to apply again in your 2nd sem, but the USP site didn't confirm it.

Freaking scared. I want to talk to someone but well... "Someone" is in Korea, or else I've decided not to message them, or else I've already talked to them (and they made me feel better, temporarily =] ).

I know God has a plan. I know. I know.

Posted by nayrakroarual at 12:25 AM

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Monday, May 04, 2009

WHoohoo! I should totally watch the x-men movies. Haha.

"It wasn't real."
"It was real for me."

OUCHHHHHHH hahahaha most painfullllll part of the entire movie
but awwwwww so sweet :)
Hans and Daniel were rather amused that I spent so much time behind my hands. Even missed them chopping off the head of that guy haha.

Shopping and talking w XinHui and Mich in the afternoon was really fun. =) Yay awesome friends! *hug* love you two! Haha. Hmmm I keep thinking about what Xinhui said. And yeah well. It's easier to remember (or harder to forget, I suppose) at night. And I think what she said is true. It'll take a while to forget, if I ever manage to at all.

Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:32 PM

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Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.

Posted by nayrakroarual at 12:18 AM

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Sunday, May 03, 2009

You have been offered Arts & Soc Sci in academic year 2009 - 2010.
The details of the offer will be stated in the offer letter.
Your letter of offer was sent on 30-Apr-2009.
For acceptance of the NUS course that has been offered to you, please refer to the instructions enclosed in your offer package.

---

Well. Sometimes we dream.

Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:40 PM

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Babel




things to do before i die