Saturday, October 29, 2005
Friday28.10.05
so sad. school's ended. another year... flew.
since when did years learn to fly. its not fair. come back. come down.
funny how when you're having fun, you wish you could just LIVE the moment, and when it feels like the whole world's against you, you just want to die and move forward and forget this life.
yet when it's all over, you realise you'd still live it the same way, because you don't want to change the bad moments for fear of missing the good ones.
and you realised the whole year, despite all its ups and downs, flew by all too fast. WAY too fast.
i know its a bit early for nostalgia. but so many people have changed--or maybe i just got to know them better?
it's probably both.
=) love all you guys. *hugs*
Posted by nayrakroarual at 12:03 AM
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Monday, October 24, 2005
Monday24.10.05
thank you to a few special people who helped me through last weekend and today.
mel. for being the best 'jie' + friend ever.
xinhui. for caring, for cheering me up, and for being there for me. and for being my bridging partner!! haha
yirui. for understanding, for listening, and for caring.
michelle. for making me smile and being a wonderful chinese groupmate and a great friend!
michelan. for um. being my cousin. and reminding me life doesn't have to be so complicated. ;)
chunhan.
jastine.
and jared. yup.
thanks. alot alot.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 9:04 PM
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Sunday, October 23, 2005
Sunday23.11.05
thank you. that meant a lot to me. *hugs*
my jie mel rocks.
=)
Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:46 PM
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Sunday11.23pm
23.10.05
i REALLY don't understand guys. especially you. i mean. sometimes, you're the most irritating, annoying, rude jerk with a HUGE attitude problem.
and other times, you're the sweetest kindest guy who just makes my day.
?!??!?!??!?!
guys. *bsh*
Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:23 PM
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Saturday, October 22, 2005
Saturday22.10.05
TRUEfriendship'- thethingyouprobablydon'tknowaboutandmuchlesshave
-----------------------------------
i never knew how much i depended on you. how much i've structured my life around you. how i based my self-confidence on your confidence in me. how i made myself stay happy because you were sad, how i was sad because you were sad, too.
i never knew, because i never realised.
until now.
because now you're gone. you, too.
------------------------------------
i depend on you, cling on to you desperately, tag along hopefully. i hate myself for that, i wonder you don't hate me too. but i know it as well, if not better - without you, i'm nothing. without your friendship, your approval, i'm nobody. less than nobody, because i wont just be invisible, i'll be an outcast.
sometimes, you make me feel part of the group, you smile and laugh and it's as if i'm you friend. your good friend, even.
and then you go away and leave me crying. subtle signals that i pick up. it's not rejection, it's a reminder, that i'll never be one of them, them that you care about, them that others care about.
i realise, too, that you can make even the most outcasted part of the group. your friendship is that powerful, that influential, that strong.
but i'll never have it, will i?
i'll have your smiles, your words, if i'm really down, maybe even your concern.
but not your friendship. not your true friendship.
so i never can be sure that you'll stand up for me, that you'll be my friend when i'm not there, when it's not neccessary.
but when i need that assurance, i can't. because i only need it when i don't have your friendship. and i only have it when i have your friendship.
it's happened before. you know, but you don't know that i know, too. i heard. and i can envision it happening, for all your assurances of friendship.
"oh cannot gossip here,
"no, i'm not her friend what." so you said. what more could i have wanted. an open declaration. how wonderful.
now i'm more cautious. i try my best to forget and yet not to forget. so that i won't keep getting hurt. and now, even when you assure me of your friendship, that scene floats into my mind's eye. and i can't, i just can't put all my trust in you.
but i do anyway. did you know that? do you know why?
because i must. what else can i do?
there is no one else to turn to, after all.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:15 AM
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Saturday22.10.05
i killed someone. I KILLED SOMEONE. ><
or at least. i watched someone die.
he was an rcc guy. i dunno who. can't remember. all i remember is that he was from rcc.
or at least. the people around us were rcc people.
it was in sc. no, not sc exactly. but the place looked like the area near the dance studio in sc.
then you go down one set of steps underground into this cavern thing.
and i was sleeping. sleeping.
xiaoxian was there. simran was there too, i think.
gerry wasnt there. nazri was. maybe.
and he was lying down and i could almost see him getting weaker and weaker and feel life oozing out of him bit by bit.
the guy who died. not nazri. i think.
i woke up just before he died. but i know he died.
fear.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:04 AM
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Wednesday12.10.05
Posted by nayrakroarual at 9:52 AM
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Wednesday12.10.05
WHOOHOO!!! EXAMS ARE OVER!!!!
haha and ive decided in honour of the struggle for meaning, Language Arts, i will change my blog format. *ignores chorus of 'lang arts!! nooooo" and "you're the dark side!" *
According to the Death of the Author theory, the author's only power is to mix writings, not create them. So, i will do just that. from now on, i mean. mostly at least. =D
Sew this up with threads of reason and regret
So I will not forget. I will not forget
How this felt one year three months ago
I know I cannot forget. I cannot forget
I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you
I can tell that you don't know me anymore
It's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget
And being on this road is anything but sure
Maybe we'll forget, I hope we don't forget
I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you
Posted by nayrakroarual at 9:39 AM
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Friday, October 07, 2005
Friday07.10.05
have things changed so much? was i just so blind?
have i lost what used to be good? why is it all so different?
were you only using me? do i only exist to you when it is convenient?
am i really so immature? or did you just grow up faster?
why don't you remember me? no, why don't i remember you?
i don't understand, and i can't understand.
"just because everything is different, doesn't mean everything has changed."
does it?
Posted by nayrakroarual at 8:04 PM
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Thursday, October 06, 2005
Thursday06.10.05
haha. normally i'd ask myself what im doing here in the midst of exams, but im pissed. i want to go for christie's birthday get-together tomorrow. sigh. ok laura shall not be stupid and blow her exams because she wants to get back at her parents.
today observed daniel bossing david around. he was a mean BRAT. now, i am well aware that i have probably been that mean to him before, and i most certainly have been that bossy, but for goodness sake. i wonder nazri's sister ever did that to him. or if christine's ever done that to her sisters. or if simran/zhi hui ever do that to their brothers. sibling rivalry, my foot.
...
you stupid, lazy, complacent idiot. you knew that that point was out of line. you knew the other points all made a lovely straight easy best-fit-line. but NOOOO you took the stupid point to make your best-fit-line.... you calculated, you measured, you redid the test for that point 3 times, damnit! thats SIX times you timed the stupid oscillations. you knew something was wrong from the start--you redid the experiment just to be sure, but NOOOO you didnt change the point. you had it all calculated, you knew you would get 0.33 error if you left that point out. but NOOOO you took that point into account and VOILA you got how many percentage error?! you idiotic stubborn fool. *kicks you hard* STUPID!!!!!
