Saturday, August 20, 2005

Saturday
20.08.05

I wish.

i wish i could stay forever.
i wish that wasn't our last performance.
i wish we could all go back and relive those days again.
i wish i could turn back time.
i wish that there was NO END.
i wish i could be a scdancer forever.
i wish i could make more memories with you guys.
i wish i could carve EVERY MEMORY on my mind.
i wish i could hang on to every moment.
i wish i could stand amongst you guys and BE one of you guys again.
i wish i could own the dance studio again...like we did, like you guys still do.
i wish i could hold scdance in my arms and carry it with me everywhere i go.
i wish that we could turn back time and make it stand still.
i wish i could relive the applause. the cheers. the laughter. the noise. the praying. the dancing.
i wish i wish i wish. i wish i could wish upon a star. and make my wishes come true.

adapted from clarice, sec4 scdancer ’05.

I entered SCGS a child. A little girl just turned six. Chinese dance, swimming, drama, choir, gymnastics. Over and over, my mother would ask me to join the dance cca. Over and over, i would refuse. The stupid things i did then! if i could turn back time, take back that decision... P3. Seven friends strong enough to make everything else seem trivial. The games, the meetings, the recesses, i can still remember. The biggest, strongest group of best friends i've seen, ever seen. An unfortunate turn of events in P4, and we broke up. Lost, humiliated, rejected, i found new friends, Jiaxin and Sylvia. We were best friends in P1, too. funny how things change. P5-6 Generosity—The best class, the hated class, we bonded all the more stronger. I still remember the endless tag that we played. All of us aced our napfa. Then came the PSLE. I missed RGS by one point and decided not to appeal without a dilemma. Fifteen of us, but only Dawn and I made it to the first class in sec one. It was the first time I’d heard Hui Shi cry.

Sec1. Painful memories, struggling friendships. Dawn helped, but she was popular as i never would be, and she found friends as i never could. The year passed, none too happily, and for the first time, I felt that it the present year was not the best of my life. In sec2, I was demoted to 2courage. I remember the first time we sat down in class, I was dreading the year ahead. None of my friends were in this new class—the year looked long and boring. As the days progressed, my attitude changed. Drastically. I had a group of friends stronger than any since P3. Three of us 5 were in dance. It was heaven on earth, paradise in school. Our class had seven dancers, the most in the whole level. My class became more bonded, friends became closer. Together, we won Sports day, Chinese Talentime, Aces Day dance, Class Talentime and the open Talentime category. Our class was the most bonded class, ever.
In dance, I was part of Seaside Rendezvous. Finally, we began to climb up the dance HOD’s ladder. New Zealand, Sarbatoare... I lived happiness. My senior invited me to the Festival of Praise, and my life changed forever. In the end-of-years, I topped my class. I felt achieved. Being in SCGS had never felt so good. Friends, grades, cca, even God. Nothing else seemed left to desire.

Then, things took an even bigger perspective. 4 of us applied out of school. Michelle, Reggie, Shining, me. Shi applied for NJ and VJ. Michelle for VJ and TJ. Reggie just chose NJC. I was the only one who applied NJC, VJC, and RGS as well.
Neither of the other 2 got into VJ. Shi was happy with NJ, she couldn’t wait to leave. Reggie and Shi accepted NJ like a shot. Now, all of us wonder why.
Both Michelle and I cried when we realised she hadn’t been accepted. Slowly, painfully, I made my decision. When I emailed in, Mr Koh had assumed I had declined the place. I almost agreed, almost turned back. Michelle asked for help with her decision about TJ. I tried to convince her to stay, to live out the life I had now forgone. Slowly, painfully, she too made her decision. It was hard. SCGS offered us what the JCs never would, never did.

A time came for us to leave, I almost couldn’t bear to. I still remember the looks of all the dancers as they stopped mid-step and called goodbye. The four of us, two of us nearly cried. I almost couldn’t bear to, but I had to. Now, there was no turning around. Eight years. It still wasn’t enough.

As a student in the VIP now, I do miss SC. I’m not saying that the VIP is not good. The VIP is good. The programme does allow us to have more opportunities. I’ve met people, had experiences and learnt lessons that I never would have if I had stayed in SC. But till now, VJ has never replaced the place of SC in my heart.
Sincerity, Courage, Generosity, Service.
SCGS.

Adapted from Mattias Ho, VS sec2’04

Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:58 PM

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