Wednesday, July 04, 2007
i'm really glad i went for prayer meeting today. i almost didn't go because i was quite tired after tsd and all but i just went anyway and it was really meaningful. it's really so good to remember that there's life outside that small little sphere that my life tends to enclose itself in, and to just meet with other brothers and sisters in christ and just focus on God and bring our needs to him together. it's wonderfully cleansing, and i'm just so reminded of how He is truly sufficient for us, and that we don't have to bear our burdens alone but that we can bring it to Him and be supported by his grace and each other's care and love. YEA =)
i've been thinking a lot about the friends i have now, and the company i keep. i'm really very thankful that even though i don't really like our youth or our church that much, there really are so many great people in our youth and they're just such great friends and people. it's why i haven't left orpc, because i know in another church i wouldn't know so many people, and, well, i just really love the people here. it feels like home. in school, too, i know some really great people and have some really nice friends. but i just don't have that same sense of security, maybe because i see so much of the backstabbing and drifting away and cliques (not like SoC doesn't have cliques, but yeah) that i just don't know who i can trust and depend on as much.
a large part of it is cos of all the politics in tsd. arts people tend to be more vocal, and at the risk of stereotyping, i'd also make the observation that that makes them more bitchy. after all, it is quite true. more liberal, definitely...
a few days ago, the observation was made that all tsd students are very vulgar. tanying agreed, saying that the whole culture of using the F word in every other phrase is just so rampant that after a while it's impossible not to get affected. she herself, being the last but one to succumb, finally did in the end. after a moment, she did remark that mel (from tsd, not church) is still not vulgar, though she thinks that that will eventually change. i didn't sign up for mel's crew, being uninterested in being a costume designer, and i'm not crewing for Titbits, so i don't really know mel, actually. but i saw her wearing this black t-shirt with a bible verse on it, and, taking a second look, saw that it was some youth camp shirt. then it just struck me - mel's a christian. =) apparently quite a strong one, from the looks of things.
haha. all the juniors love mel! (unless they don't know her at all, like me, in which case they only
like, not love her) interesting how mels all seem to be so loved. haha. anyway, so it just hit me that day when i saw her wearing that shirt with a verse and everything on it that mel is one of the very few christians in tsd. honestly. there are a few catholics, but it just seems like there are so little christians. especially in the senior batch, at least. i know wanping and all are christian. christine, etc are catholic. jason's catholic, that time i told him i had church he asked "can't you go for evening mass?" haha which yeah kind of tells you he's catholic. plus how so many people slot on sundays...
i'm being affected by the culture, and i'm starting to think it's quite a negative effect. i need to make sure that i don't succumb to societal pressures but really stand strong for what i believe in and live out the hope that i have. haha. for example, whenever i trip, or bump into something, etc, i'll go "OWWW-FF-" and then i cut myself off just in time. that time when i was talking to timothy, then i was just using "damn" alot, and he didn't interrupt rudely or put me down but just commented casually that maybe i could use "very" instead of "damn" because it's the same meaning. it made me wonder. what's happened to me? last time i wasn't anywhere
near this vulgar. i know everyone says that's mild already. and that "everyone says that". but that's not the point. it's what i should stand for, instead of just conforming to the society i'm surrounded with.
sigh. i don't know if i can hold on so long. i really admire mel now. she really seems to reflect that subtle light within, not just talking the talk but walking the walk. not all out boasting about her faith or whatever, but just living her life as one rooted in the faith, declaring her stand by how she acts and not what she says. that, that is what i want to be able to do. light of the world, salt of the earth. but you know what. i really don't know if i can do that. =/ in fact, i can't, i know i can't. i'll ask God for help. but even so, that little doubt lingers =(
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"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." -romans 3:23.
I want to live like there's no tomorrow I want to dance like no one's around I want to sing like nobody's listening Before I lay my body down I want to give like I have plenty I want to love like I'm not afraid I want to be the girl I was meant to be I want to be the way I was made Made in Your likeness Made with Your hands Made to discover who You are And who I am All I've forgotten, help me to find All that You've promised, let it be In my life
Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:18 PM
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