Wednesday, June 13, 2007
a couple of years back, my po po died after a heart attack or stroke or illness or something. i was never close to her, especially since she spoke mostly teochew and while she could understand (and speak a bit of) mandarin, i couldn't speak it (beyond "hi popo, ni hao ma *smile*?" anyway). she did make (or buy? i think it was buy) some clothes for michelle and wanting and i, this pink dress which i still have hanging in my closet although i've long outgrown it.
i did want to make her happy (not enough that i'd speak more mandarin than i could help, but enough to keep smiling at her and asking her how she was, etc) and she was very concerned about us and nice and all. my mum told us she didn't want to stay at our house even though she had just had a stroke and it would have been dangerous to stay alone, on the fourth floor of those old tiong bahru buildings, as she did, because she didn't want to disrupt daniel and i (it was exam period). she was always very quiet and soft.
when she died i never even felt one twinge of sadness for her loss, because it just didn't make much difference to me. i was slightly regretful that she hadn't accepted Christ yet, despite all my mum's efforts, but then my parents and i (i.e. the christian part of our extended family on my mum's side) still hope she perhaps did, during those last days on the hospital bed, as my mum talked to her, although she never said so. her grave - or rather, that place where they put your ashes - is still all buddhist or whatever, with the chantings and stuff written all over it. you could tell my mum wasn't happy about that. after her death, there was quite a lot of disagreement and quarrelling, which made things all the more unhappier.
on my father's side, nobody's died yet (i think?), i still have like 3 (or 4. err. not sure. haha.) great-grandparents. my grandma's mum is a little more than 80 i think. i've never been able to talk much to her, since, like my po po, she can speak minimal mandarin, and yeah i can't speak much mandarin anyway. but there was just this one day, last year i think, we connect for a short afternoon. over guess what. nail polish! lol. some things never change. cos i was trying to do my nails or something then i made a mistake so i asked my mama for nail polish remover. then she told me i should ask my tai ma for help cos she's really good with her nails. i knew she was good because her nails are the long old-lady kind, painted like bright red, but really very nicely done (except the whole outdated taste thing). so i did like look toward her and smile and sort of extend my hand toward her (i can't speak anything she can understand, remember) and she sat me down and fetched her glasses and peered at my fingers. lol. then like mama fetched the nail polish and remover and stuff and tai ma helped me paint my nails. =) she taught me how to paint them properly, too (paint the tip half first, then go over from the roots. no need to stinge on brushes) and how to remove them properly (the same way). she told me that alot of people think she goes to a manicurist to do her nails, but it's actually all done by herself. actually she didn't really tell it all to me directly. alot of it was told to my mama who translated. hahaha. =) but yeah. then i did my toenails and showed her. haha. she seemed to think it was well done, except for the colour (lime green XD).
tai ma was always more vocal than po po. but yeah. except for michelle and her family, i've always been closer to those on my mama's side too, including mama. goodness, even michelle calls her mama, which shows you how close we all are. oh but michelle's really close to those on her father's side too. hm well anyway. that afternoon painting nails really brought home to me how much we're really missing out, if we just ignore our grand(or great-grand)parents as oldfashioned and derelict.
there's really so much we don't know about them, and so much that they could teach us. i wish that i'd talked more to my po po, and i still wish i could speak dialect AND mandarin better. like that time we went to the old folks home, and so few of us could speak to the old folks there because they all spoke dialect. it's sad, especially for me, because by right i should be able to speak teochew, hokkien AND cantonese. alot of things we dismiss as propaganda, but truly the singaporean government has a very good point. the old are a resource of wisdom in themself, we can't just let it slip past like that. besides, they ARE our elders, after all. it matters, that we don't know slightest thing about our roots, for all our high technology and wide academic knowledge.
and they
are people. whom we can grow to truly love and care about, if we just make the effort before it's too late.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 5:09 PM
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