Saturday, January 20, 2007
Friday19.01.07Yawn.What happens when what you love doesn't love you back?
Don't we all know what that feels like? We who love to sing and can't hold a note, adore dancing but have two left feet, dream of As and barely scrape Ds. Then there's when the guy walking by couldn't care less about you, and you just bite your lip as part of your consciousness attaches to the figure striding past, or when that girl smiles brightly at you as she heads off in the opposite direction, and you smile back while your heart cries because you know her smile was that and nothing more. There's that cca you work your ass off and drop almost everything else for, to find you didn't make the team or they just shifted training schedules to clash with the one thing you can't miss for it, or the committee which just vetos off the proposal you blew many nights pouring over.
It would certainly be nice to be loved back. Appreciation, Acknowledgement, Attention. The three A grades us humans can't live without. (Well we're talking normal here, mother Theresa doesn't really count.)
Chunhan once wrote about this X factor we can't live without, the one thing craved above food, water and riches. I know what it is, and no it doesn't apply to everyone. Only the more, shall we say, ambitious of us. Or insecure, if you like.
But then again it would still be nice if, after missing so many important practices to join them, they wouldn't shift training times to the one day you simply canNOT sacrifice.
Denise: Laura, have you ever thought about narrowing down your CCAs?
Me: Yup.
Denise: And what was your conclusion?
Me: *shrug* I dropped everything i could.
Giving up netball or dance would be like cutting off an arm or a leg. Everyone just says "CHOOSE, you HAVE to choose, you can't have the best of both worlds, you can't have everything. jack of all trades master of none, in the end you'll lose out on both." But no one gets it, it's precisely because they're so different i can't choose. Sure i am relatively better at dance. In netball everything is a fight for the last few places in the team in my case, whereas in dance i can keep up relatively comfortably (for now at least), although i'm definitely not top. Sure, they're more tsd people in netball who can empathise the situation and all and so it's kinda safer to stay with netball rather than dance where i would have to fight on my own. But in the end, there's no choice between them. Whether i'm rolling on the floor or twisting through the air, flying across the court or whizzing across the stage, it's part of who i am like walking and running and jumping is. They are so similar, and so different.
haha it's 0130 hours. no wonder i'm not making sense. =)
Posted by nayrakroarual at 1:09 AM
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