Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Wednesday19.07.06thirteen days. that's nearly TWO BLOODY WEEKS. i think i'm one of the few i know who would feel it this badly. but, TWO BLOODY WEEKS! oman. lets recall - in one and a half months, i have the most important ballet exam of my entire life. if i fail this one, i can't go any higher in ballet, not in this lifetime anyway. i took TEN BLOODY YEARS to get here, not counting that i could have taken it two years ago. and, already my ballet is one of the worst in class. already i have a horrible stiff ankle (same as stephaniechen and the other girl from SBA can't remember her name) and a (i quote Mrs Lim, my ballet teacher) HORRIBLE TURNOUT, such that it takes three times as much energy for me to perform half as well and look half as good as the rest. and now, my right foot, as if my point wasn't already bad enough, can't point half as well as my left, meaning it looks four times worse than everyone else's. PLUS, i can't work it cause any energy i put through it sends sharp daggers nearly as bad as those you get from pointework, only they aren't normal. and in ballet you
can't work with one foot, it just can't happen. you need
all your body,
all the time. i didn't realise til today. it's not like netball where i can grit my teeth and fake my way through. i can't even stand right in ballet! i'm so gonna fail my exam GOSH help me someone. ARRgH.
rantings aside, i realised something today. where would i be without dance? i could give up rockclimbing - it was a wrench, but possible. i could give up netball, perhaps, even. i might even give up dance. but both? dance - it's part of me, part of the me who does arabesques at bus stops and waltzes down shopping isles and pirouettes in class and eshappes down the corridor. netball - it's part of me, part of the me with (now) blister-immune feet who volunteers to be monkey in monkey's ball and charges on court during PE and goes high when i see a blue-white-red ball. rockclimbing? i let go, didn't i? i guess it's too new, not part of me yet - well, it's part of the me with blistered fingers and daily push-pull ups. but, not... oh well. bygones be bygones - thank goodness i still have joel. i don't have to totally give it up, not yet, at least.
but.
imagine.
imagine if i hurt my (God forbid) knee or something. it's happened, why shouldn't it? stephanie, rekha, lisabelle, andrea even.
never, never. i'd ruin my leg for life rather than give it up.
a wise cheorographer once said:
i don't want people who want to dance. i want people who HAVE to dance.
i do, therefore i am.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:53 PM
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