Thursday, July 20, 2006
Thursday20.07.06did i say something about never being able to drop dance (or netball), that it's part of me and i'd like die before i gave it up?
well, i take that back. forget it. i'm no longer afraid of free time. thanks, Xh. now i finally know how to slack again. and yes, to all those who've told me over and over again, i'm crazy. stupid. bitten off more than i can chew.
i always followed the quote, "bite off more than you can chew, then chew it."
forget it. i don't WANT to do this anymore. it's killing all the passion, all the love, all the joy, all the laughter. Ms Lao once commented that every time she looked at me, i was always smiling, always happy. and it was true, then, though i got a little shock when i realised it. i was smiling right then - not beaming, but still smiling a little smile. it's been so long, so long since i've had that. since i could be fully happy doing something and... all the pressure. it's killing me. i know i'm being whiny. who was the one who said, "i never get stressed. i thrive under pressure." ? well, i take that back, too. forget it. that me is lost, and i don't know if i can ever find her again. today when leon (darren? some nice person anyway) told me deejee was looking for me, i just said she could go die. i didn't mean it, but i'm not particularly sorry either. i just felt like hurling my handphone into the wall, only i needed it and it would have stirred up things in class too much anyway.
wish i could just..
scream.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 10:32 PM
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