Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Tuesday
20.12.05
flashback.
scene: psl training. junior class groupings. we (06v12's psls) are carrying out our planned session, the first activity to be presented. it's the magazine pictures one.
everyone on our table is switching names due to the name tags given to them.
Daniel: hello, i'm laura. i'm an scgs girl who loves her school so much i still where their socks.
cut.
funny. i was reading his post (well, skimming through it actually) and i just thought again. about the stuff that i'd thought we'd long gotten over.
the nostalgia.
the missing.
the wishing.
the remembering.
then again, who am i kidding. we're all victims of our memories, and try as we might, we'll never fully banish them. there are reasons for the selectiveness of human memory, to quote diane duane -- the mercy of God aside, experiencing again and again the emotions coupled with memory would leave an entity no time for the emotions of the present moment... and then there is the matter of pain.
there are many moments when i wish with all my heart, from the bottom of my soul, that i could recollect, examine and sustain every moment of my life, in perfect recall. how i long for certain moments, and mourn bitterly for their fading in my memory despite my best efforts.
and yet, there are as well moments when i wish, for the sake of my mind twisting in agony, to remember nothing at all from the past day, but to be able to wake each day to start anew, afresh, free from the chains of yesteryear.
and so, throughout the course of the year, fighting nostalgia for the right to my present, and reminiscence for the right to my future, i've come to understand a bitter truth: memory is painful.
should i have a happy memory of a single moment, i would cry for its passing.
should i lose a happy memory to my forgetfulness, i would cry over the bitter loss.
should i have a painful memory, it in itself would cause pain.
yet to not have such a memory is humanly impossible, and to forget such a memory desperately hard to achieve.
memory is painful.
Posted by nayrakroarual at 5:20 PM
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