Monday, May 02, 2005

Monday
02.05.05

- adapted from arrythm-

I hate it, hate your smiles and remarks directed at others because I know they’re not meant for me. I hate the people who receive them, and hate myself for hating them. Hate myself, for being so pathetic and needing your approval, for being so weak. It hurts to remember our friendship, to think back and remember in tortured pain all the memories, even those painful in themselves. It hurts when I try to give you up and fail so miserably at it, because every time I force myself to stop, just stop, you give me another measure of hope, another glimpse of a could-have-been, another thin slice of light for a friendship lost.

-dedicated to the sc-netballers. because i remember, even when you forget-

do you remember playing bridge endlessly at night?
do you remember dissing chan everytime dawn or minyi got into ANOTHER dance?
do you remember the hours spent waiting in the front of the studio, sometimes snacking, sometimes gossiping, sometimes stretching, but mostly just sitting together in silence, because we weren't good enough to be in the dance?
do you remember the first lesson with xu jie?
do you remember the rushing to make-up, the rush to change, the rush to help others get ready for their dance while we watched?
do you remember the times we declared we would quit, only to change our minds every time?
do you remember all the times we spent together laughing, talking, being friends?
do you remember rushing for cca together?
do you remember all hogging the toilet because we had to change?
do you remember the endless debate, week after week, about whether or not to wear tights?
do you remember the routine exercises we were so sick of, that i now regret not treasuring?
do you remember the horrible costumes?
do you remember the aching muscles and the tired smiles?
do you remember?

i remember.

-dedicated to the sc dancers. because i will forever carry the scars of the could-have-beens-

Posted by nayrakroarual at 11:32 PM

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Babel




things to do before i die